Links from this episode
The Answer Room Audio: http://theimpostermonster.com/
Brene Brown https://brenebrown.com/
I am fighting fit. https://www.iamfightingfit.co.uk/
Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/jess.roper.9
Fighting fit together membership website: https://www.fightingfittogether.com/
Get in touch with Jessica: [email protected]
Simon Sinek https://simonsinek.com/
Karl Smith https://www.trancypants.com/KarlSmith
If you were haunted and harassed by your own inner critic, if you've ever been curious about why Hypnosis works so well, if you're a seasoned hypnotist, or if you suspect that the inner critic is actually hypnotizing you to hold back from reaching the greatness that you know, deep down is inside you, lean in and get inspired to get out of your comfort zone and create your one precious life with purpose and intention. If you like this show, you'll love my powerful Hypnosis Audio the answer Room because it gives you crystal clear guidance and direction and illuminates an ingenious way to make triumphant decisions, no matter how stuck you feel or how confused you were.
This powerful Hypnosis Audio is my gift to you. When you go to the Imposter monster.com again, that's The Imposter monster.com. Don't forget the, the, the Imposter monster.com and yes, I'm done saying it. Thank you. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart for listening. I'm Lori Hammond and I'm truly grateful for you. Welcome
1 (1m 20s):
Today I have with me just Fleischer. She is a two time English kickboxing champion, and a second degree black belt. She is a hypnotherapist and the founder of I am fighting fit, which empowers whole hearted health as a person who has struggled with low self-esteem herself. Jess has a mission to speak on stages globally, inspiring and creating confidence in individuals who needed the most. And I am so excited to have you here today, Jess, you and I just very recently connected. I don't know a whole lot of your story, but I was intrigued and I love the idea of getting to know you in a way that the audience can eavesdrop on.
1 (2m 2s):
I wanted to have you here because I see you as an action taker. You're someone who said you've listened to some of my podcasts, and I know you've been influenced by Freddie Jaquin and others and this amazing community. And so I love the idea of just unpacking. What has inspired you to take action. And I'm going to turn the floor over to you. If you want to just tell me about yourself, tell me what prompted you to reach out and anything else that you want us to know.
2 (2m 28s):
Okay, well, I'll start by saying thank you. Thank you for allowing me on to your podcast, because it truly has inspired me as somebody who is still practicing hypnotherapy under Freddy, Jack Quinn, as part of the Jack queen Hypnosis Academy. And it was a couple of weeks ago. Now, a good friend of mine just in his soul. He is also practicing, he sent me your podcast with Carl Smith and told me to listen to it. So I did, and then I was hooked. And then every day I spend an hour walking around the woods to make sure I get time and keep myself active. And I was listening to what everybody was saying to yourself, your guests about that impulse, the Monster that stepping out of your comfort zone.
2 (3m 12s):
And I have this mission to speak on stages globally, creating confidence in those who need it the most. And I thought, I wonder, I should allow me on her podcast if I don't ask on Evernote. And that in itself was stepping out of my own comfort zone, but you won't get, you won't become a champion if you don't step into the ring. So I decided to ask, and here we are today. So that's how I found out, you know, and yeah, I find it incredibly inspirational.
1 (3m 44s):
Thank you so much. And that's, that's a big reason I wanted to have you on because I know firsthand what it's like to be afraid and do it anyway. And that's actually how I felt when I reached out to Freddy Jack, when the very first time I thought this guy is like a celebrity in the Hypnosis world, he's probably not even going to see my email. And it's so, you know, if we, if we never try we're right back at the same place, if we try and someone says no, or they ignore us or whatever, we're back in the same place we would have been if we didn't ask. So I love that. I see that same willingness to do it, even if it's scary. And that's what intrigued me. So when you and I messaged a little bit, you mentioned that you're a kickboxer and I think that is so awesome.
1 (4m 26s):
I've always really admired strong women like physically strong. And when I was, I think I might've been pregnant with one of my babies who are now in their twenties. I watched a movie called girl cite with Michelle Rodriguez and I just thought she was so I thought I wanted to be a kickboxer, but I like the idea of being punched in the face was too scary. So I never did, but tell me a little bit about what brought you into kickboxing and what you love about it.
2 (4m 57s):
I love it because it pushes me. It pushes me to improve. It pushes me way out of my comfort zone. I was never a fighter. I never, I, I never identified as a fighter. I never identified as anybody with any form of fitness or an athlete or any of those words that we associate with successful physical. I began when I was 19 and I had cripplingly low self-esteem and I wanted to, there was a part of me, a part of me that wanted to kick box. I looked at it and I thought it looked amazing, but I, it took me four years. So I first saw it when I was 15 and I couldn't do it. I was quite fat as a teenager, fat insecure, but I've heard the next few years, I lost a bit of weight, but I didn't develop any fitness.
2 (5m 45s):
I didn't develop any confidence. I just was making my way through life doing okay. Then finally, my boyfriend encouraged me. He held my hand, he took me there to the gym. He was already training. He started a couple of months previously, and that was how it began having somebody to help me overcome that fear. And then once you get going, the hardest part is stepping through the door. And then you feel that you feel that physical fear inside you, you have to overcome it. And then throughout the journey, it's a constant improvement. There's ups, there's downs, there's wins there's losses. I had a lot of losses in the ring.
2 (6m 25s):
I wasn't a natural fighter. I lost my first five fights before I got a win. And that, that was tough. That was tough to keep going. But luckily I had a fantastic coach. He's one of my best friends. Now he runs the gym that I'm part of upgrade martial arts and upgrade training in therapy. And he said to me, when I was struggling, he said, you're not the natural fighter, but you are a natural coach. You will go on, this will become part of your story and you will inspire others, stayed strong. Now, get back in that ring, get that when you deserve the win that you worked so hard for, and this will forever be part of you.
2 (7m 5s):
And I'm so glad he said that to me at that point, because my motivation has always been to coach other people. I've been running a female only kickboxing class for just over four years, because I know how difficult it is to be the only woman in a male dominated sport is scary, is tough. So in there to offer that introduction to kickboxing in a safe environment, increase that confidence. And that's the biggest thing that most women get out of kickboxing. They come in anxious with low self esteem and they leave with a greater confidence. A greater skillset just is just fantastic, as well as the physical health benefits. It has so many mental health benefits to it.
1 (7m 44s):
I feel emotional just listening to this and it is such an inspiration. And I'm wondering when you, when you lost those first five fights, and you said that your, your coach really helped you with that, do you remember the feeling that you had maybe when you lost that first fight or even the fifth fight and what allowed you to rise up and keep moving forward?
2 (8m 9s):
The first fight was awful. Let me I'll do it in chronological order is so, so tough. I thought that I'd trained enough. And I, I thought I had an idea that, Oh, this is going to be tough, but it will be okay. It was so much tougher than I expected. And I walked out, I wobbled out the ring and my legs were shaking and I fell into the arms of my boyfriend. And I went, I can't walk like I was needed. So close to tears and I, the pain out of breath, the shock, the adrenaline rush, then the adrenaline dump. And I was like, I can't do this again. And he said, calm down, sit down and recover it. You will do this again. You're resilient, you've got this.
2 (8m 50s):
And we had some issues with the club in the club failed. I went traveling. I went to Southeast Asia or on my own for a couple of months over a year I was working and I wasn't really achieving the low. And then I decided while I was traveling, but I really need to go back to kickboxing. I really miss it. And it was my passion. It was what was keeping me going. It was my purpose for work. So I found another club. I dedicated really hard to my training. I got really heavily involved. I found this amazing teams and coaches and amazing teammates to support me, friendships for life. And I got into boxing alongside the kickboxing, really started to develop this skill set and I thought, okay, I'm ready now. I'll fight again. And I got an incredibly tough opponent. It was on a mat fight.
2 (9m 30s):
So it wasn't like in the nightclubs, the big ones I built up to, it was a lower level. Apparently I fought her. I didn't give up. She kicked me across the face, gave me a nose bleed. And at the end, I remember her coach coming over to me and saying, you're one tough cookie. So although I lost with a bloody nose, I felt a sense of achievement because I found out afterwards that she'd been training for eight years to my year and a half, two years training. Ah, so that was an accomplishment. And I knew that one, I knew I'm going back. I'm going back in the ring. I'm going to try and I'm going to win another loss one. I thought I won, but a partner didn't kick enough. So another loss then we made the switch to go full contact.
2 (10m 12s):
So full contact versus light contact, full contact is in nightclubs. It's two minute rounds instead of one minute rounds. And your aim is to knock each other out, opposed to technically win at my way inside. You do generally technically win on the judges' scorecard. So you don't tend to get knocked out. It's not a well, it is a real fear, definitely is a real fear. But compared to like the big men, it's fairly safe. There are referees as the medical team, but it's that step up that step up into The Oh, I'm playing VIG. Now this is, this is scary, but it made me switch on. It made me really, really focus on my training.
2 (10m 53s):
And I really thought I was going to win that fight, I guess. Well, I laugh and I cried that one. I cried that one. I was so all of the emotions just came out. I was like, I can't do this anymore, but I'm not giving up. And she was amazing. She was my first full contact fight. And my third full contact fight. I had the privilege of fighting her again after getting a win. And she was just incredible. And that third fight after winning a fight, finally, finally, I felt, yes, I've won, but I still felt a little bit of disappointment inside of me. That would be the perfectionism coming in, I think is something which I've struggled with throughout my life.
2 (11m 36s):
And then the third fight, I lost again to her, but I improved so much. So I had to go away and I had to take the positives and I had to reframe my thinking and think it's not just losses. Every loss you're learning, every loss you're improving. And that was how my fighting went until I became a champion. Really, after that loss, I had another loss, which was hell, it was the worst flight of my life. And then I started winning. Finally, finally, after a lot of losses, lots of tough, tough fights with some of the best women in the world. The one in my last lost the toughest fight of my life. She went on to become a two times a European champion. She narrowly missed out on becoming a world champion. There is still a part of me that wants to fight her again.
1 (12m 21s):
2 (12m 22s):
She's got on it and she's done so well, but I've gone on and I've won my title fights. I've become a champion Teague. And I'm like, it wasn't that far apart and I'll fight to make it, but maybe that's just my ego. Maybe it wouldn't be sensible.
1 (12m 36s):
I think. Yeah. I think it's absolutely incredible. So do you, do you still actively fight or are you mostly training others?
2 (12m 43s):
I'm mostly training others with COVID and locked down a training flight hasn't been possible, but going back to that good friend in the gym, he said that to support me in my trading, but also my life and my business because we're best friends and I was training for my second title fight. So I'd become a champion. That amazing moment, that profound moment, like go back to in all positive Hypnosis I pulled forward to becoming a champion that focus that drive. It's amazing. I'm the second one. Now I was training. The nerves started to hit me. The pressure started to hit me of I'm already a champion. What if I lose this one? What if that undoes the first one? How will I justify this?
2 (13m 24s):
Okay. I know how to deal with loss. It's okay. That voice inside my head, but it's not okay. This is the title fight. This is, you know, this is becoming a tungsten twice over, but it, and does the first one. So I had to calm down. I also had the stress of starting my own business. So I'd gone self-employed at this point and I hadn't realized how many hours it takes, how much work it takes. I thought I'll be self-employed. I can arrange my own time. I can do this. This will be fine. And then it will hit me. And I just started crying. He gave me a hug and he said, get this fight out of the way and have a break. And I was like, no, no, I don't want to fight. I am fighting fit. I do this. I'm a fighter. I'm a fighter. And I'm a coach. I will succeed. I'll keep going. But look down prevented that it answered the question for me.
2 (14m 6s):
And then since then I've had the time to reflect and the way that my business has gone, the way that my life is going, I'm not sure if it would be sensible to fight again, because it takes so much time, so much energy. And I genuinely am loving the hippotherapy. I'm not going to stop coaching kickboxing, but I do it alongside everything else that I do. And that's where the speaking comes in. It's the same physiological response is stepping in the ring. You still get that fear. It's one of the biggest fears in the world speaking publicly. So instead of becoming a world champion, I can speak on stages globally. And the positive impact that that we'll have on peoples' lives is far greater than stroking my own ego to say, I am better than an English champion.
2 (14m 50s):
I'm the world champion. So truthfully probably not. I probably won't not at that level anyway. I'd like to get it right.
1 (14m 58s):
Well, I, I just see how your history has set you up to position you to be that global speaker. I can, I can literally see you onstage is your speaking because a person who has overcome those physical challenges and learned those principles at such a young age, you're in such a great place to have that success. Will you talk to me a little bit more about what brought you to hypnotherapy and what you're doing with it now and how it's impacted your life?
2 (15m 28s):
It is completely transformed my life. It's, it's amazing. It's incredible. I, a good friend of mine, Justin, I mentioned to him at the beginning, he he'd been following the Jacquelyn's for, I think it's been nearly 10 years, but hasn't trained under them. And he found out about this opportunity to train with them on line, which through the Hypnosis Academy, it's an incredible opportunity. And he was talking to me about it, about how it would be amazing for me to have as part of my skillset, how he thinks I'd be good at it, how he thinks I'd enjoy learning it because I love learning. And I am an art about it a little bit. I was like, I don't really know if I believe in Hypnosis even, is it really a thing?
2 (16m 8s):
I don't know. I was like that. Then I decided, how can you dismiss something? Unless you give it a go, what's the worst case scenario. You try and learn it. You give it a go and you decide it's not for you. And then you can hand on heart, say it didn't work, but it's the complete opposite. Absolutely. I started to experiencing it. And where we practice on each other, where I've got friends now who are hypnotherapists, I've been experiencing it. And it's helping me personally overcome traumas that I never overcame until now. I realized that I've spent my life fighting physically metaphorically to get away from trauma, which I didn't deal with when I was a child. Hypnotherapy is allowing me to heal from that.
2 (16m 50s):
So I know how powerful it is firsthand, and I am ready to help other people transform their lives with it too.
1 (16m 59s):
That's incredible. I felt the same way when I came to Hypnosis I thought, Oh, this is, this is kind of scary. I had actually, I was raised in a very religious home and I wasn't even allowed to watch Scooby doo because there was Hypnosis in it. And I thought that it was, there was something kind of scary and evil, but I was so desperate. I was so desperate. I was willing to look into it and I, I love what you said about how can you basically don't knock it. Don't knock it until you try it. And for me finally, just being willing to look into it and I feel like it is truly the most neuroscience based modality out there, because it really looks at how we, why are in trauma from the past that uses re reverse engineers, that same process to let you release that trauma.
1 (17m 45s):
Are you comfortable talking a little bit more just because I think people have been through trauma themselves might really enjoy hearing, not enjoy, but resinate with your story if you're willing to share that.
2 (17m 59s):
Yeah. So I grew up with both of my parents being drug addicts and alcoholics, and it was tough. I, I practice a lot of gratitude. Someone said, I need to add more emotion into my story to draw people into it. But if anybody's experienced trauma, they will know how it feels. You know, it was to get off. We had social services involved in my, in my teenage years with the hardest, I don't remember struggling too much as a child. I went to a good school. I had good friends. I think that's where the perfectionism came in and the avoidance 'cause by the time I got to being a teenager, I had this pressure to be academic.
2 (18m 39s):
And I think a lot of this is where hypnotherapy is helping me go inside and reflect on all of this I've remembered things that I, I had no recollection of and no understanding of which I now do. I remember being in year 10 at the beginning of the year, I'd missed most of your nine. I hadn't started the exams. We have to sit an exam and I got the lowest Mark. So I got sat at the front and we all had to write in our books how we're going to achieve a star. And I just felt awful. I don't think I attended another max class after that because I had the capability, but I failed in my mind. I wasn't perfect. I wasn't good enough because the previous years to that, I was, I was one of the best in the class.
2 (19m 21s):
I was always achieving the top results. So I stopped going to school. I stopped attending. I didn't get any exam results. And I thought that was it. I have nothing left in my life. I'm not academic. I didn't believe I was sporty or creative or musical or any of these things before. What should I do? I went and worked in a family pub because that's what my dad's always done. He's always worked in hospitality. So I ended up working for him. But until I found kickboxing, I still carried on working in the pub. That kickboxing was the thing that began to transform my life. And I, I thought I was fine. I thought by the time I got to 19 and was working on kickboxing and I've been working in the pub, have my own income, had my boyfriend happy life.
2 (20m 5s):
I thought. And that's it, all those people that complain about trauma, holding them back and suffering with anxiety and depression. Oh, it's not really a thing. I'm great. I'm fine. I'm fantastic. I'm resilient. I'd been convincing myself. These things throughout my life. The anxiety that fighting brought on was actually a mask of the fact that I live with anxiety. It was only a couple of months ago that someone said to me, I was going with shoulder pain and I've had shoulder pain for about nine months. Now. It has got better through practicing mindfulness for hypnotherapy, through relaxation, for easing off the physical exercise and allowing it to rehabilitate physically and mentally. I didn't realize I was living in this heightened state of anxiety because I'd never relaxed.
2 (20m 49s):
And she said to me, do you know how to relax and not in a patronizing way, but she was guiding me to relax. And I'm like really, really, really tense all the time and like this. And it's just an hypnotherapy. Like I am a really good hypnotic subject. I think it's just cause I'm longing to relax. And it's learning that, knowing yourself to relax, allowing yourself to let go for that moment, being guided by someone you trust and going back and where it speaks to the subconscious mind. I didn't pick the things that I chose to look out. And I really, really liked the time machine. And I really liked timeline therapy. I'm really interested in it because it's allowed me to go back and see parts of my past that I had my memory of.
2 (21m 33s):
And I had no, no realization that it impacted me for so long. Like when I was really young six, seven comments, I remember being in the pub being told that I have no rhythm and I can't dance. Even my baby brother had better rhythm than me. So I didn't dance after that because I believed that I have my rhythm and I can't dance, who says that to a six year old. So yeah, it's really, really helped me. I'm still working it all out, but tough upbringing, tough teenage years. Okay. Out of life. But hypnotherapy is allowing it all to just heal.
1 (22m 8s):
Thank you for sharing that. And for anyone listening, I will put links to Freddie and Anthony's Hypnosis training in the notes below. I've also had Freddie on the podcast twice. So those will be really valuable to listen to. And when you mentioned the time, time machine, that's also Freddy's protocol and you know, anyone who's listening, you can read about that in his hypnotherapy book, which I highly recommend and get it on audible because you can listen to Freddy, read it. And Freddie hit the tides as you throughout the book. Okay. This is so incredible. I am so happy that I said yes. When you reached out to me, I feel like you are just, you're unlocking that part of me. That for me, it was like a 20 something watching that movie with, with the girl.
1 (22m 52s):
I don't even remember now if she was kickboxing or it was another form of martial arts, but there is, you know, when I was a little girl, I remember pretending to be wonder woman and really, truly believing I could be wonder woman. And I think we all have locked inside of us. This, this part of us that knows how, what a beautiful impact we can have on the world and the life of passion and inspiration that's available to us. And so few people are brave enough to step into it. And so I love that you had your boyfriend that supported you, your coach, that supported you, these people that have come into your life and anyone listening, if you don't feel like you have that person, let Jess, and I be that person for you, we are, we're recording this podcast for you.
1 (23m 38s):
I'll put just as contact info below. If you want to reach out to her, you know how to get ahold of me. This is, this is so awesome. Okay. I'm going to peek at my notes and see you. So you have mentioned perfectionism, and I think this is a really, this is something that I think it's one of the Imposter monsters, favorite tricks, and one of the most valuable books, parenting books I read when I was raising my kids, I was also a perfection as the parent. And I would read all these books about how to be the perfect mom. And my favorite one was a book about birth order. And I'm a first born. Are you the first part as well? Yep. Okay. I thought you were first born.
1 (24m 19s):
Is it only children in any one, but especially those that birth order tend to be really perfectionistic. And the book I read talked about the discouraged perfectionist, and this is what I hear when you talk about math class. Like if I can't do it perfectly, I'm just going to stop. And so it was so enlightening for me to understand that that perfectionism, I had kind of bragged about it before. Like I thought it was awesome to realize that it's an opportunity to be flexible and release some of those high standards. And I really think that high achievers are people who have released perfectionism and been willing to do it anyway. So will you just talk to me a little bit about your journey past perfectionism?
2 (25m 1s):
I think the journey past I'll have to reflect back on the next. I only started reading about it in the last year or so. Brenae Brown was my big influence for it. I think she is amazing, but I think I had it. I think I had this from as early as I can remember, because what I've tried to reflect back on that, that pressure, that pressure to be the one that keeps on top of everything. I think the difficult upbringing with parents who weren't always there, like they were there physically, but weren't always emotionally their emotional neglect, I guess. So I had to always be present. I always had to be the one, especially with the younger siblings and when things got worse, it's that pressure that you put on yourself, all your environment puts upon you.
2 (25m 48s):
If your suffering a trauma that causes it. And then with the academic side of it, that was in school was kind of like my way to succeed. It was what I was told is what every child is told. And a big part of me doesn't agree with mainstream education. For this reason, you are told that you are as successful as your academic grades, not even in your sport and creative grades. They don't really matter English, maths, and science. You must do well in those. Otherwise you won't succeed. They're the ones that are all your time and effort and energy have to go on. They're the ones that you have to be perfect. So that's what I was doing until it all got too much.
2 (26m 30s):
And I avoided it because I couldn't keep up with that perfection, which I'd worked so hard for. Then kickboxing was entirely different because I was useless. I couldn't even do one press up when I began. I was so compared to everyone else, but there was just that little part of me that admired them and determination, resilience. I wasn't going to give up. I a big part of me wanted to give up screaming at me. Why are you doing this? You want to get to this. You can't even do one, press up your two on fit. You're too small. You're too much of a girl, all of these things, but I was like, no, no, shut up, shut up the voice inside my head. I am doing this. I am a kickboxer. I am going to improve.
2 (27m 12s):
And that was the key I think. And the loss is the not being perfect, but having to overcome failure, time and time again, I think it was a blessing in disguise because I didn't have that pressure. I did. I put it on myself and that's why I'm so grateful to now be learning how to overcome it in business is extremely important. Even a year ago, compared to where I was a year ago to where I am now. It's okay to have a day off. It's okay to relax. So K, to do something fun, play plays a central rest is essential, not just productivity and what we can do all the time. We have to enjoy it too. So I think, think that answers your question.
1 (27m 55s):
It is it's beautiful. And I agree about rest. I actually, I just had two big launches last month. And today it's early in the morning here when I'm recording this. And I said, okay, today I'm gonna go on a hike. I'm going to just do like normal day stuff and set my business to the side. And I think that's when we're rejuvenated. And I think part of the reason this conversation is moving me so much. Anyone who's watching those confuse me, wiping my eyes. And I'm like, is there a mascara on my face? I'm feeling so emotional because I've really think that your journey in, you know, going from a person with a debilitatingly low self-esteem to the person you are today, who might still struggle if you're like me with that self-esteem but you do it anyway.
1 (28m 41s):
It's so symbolic and metaphorical of my journey as a businessperson. And you know, I work so hard to create this business. And I really think that the very hardest part is the mental game. So anyone listening, if you have ambition to, to really boost your Hypnosis practice Or or whatever line of work you're in the mental game is the hardest. And if you start to understand everyone deals with that, Imposter Monster we all just last night, I was so tired. I hadn't slept well the night before. And I literally in my head, I was thinking, Oh, I just need to throw it in the towel. I'm just going to close down my business and go back to being a hairstylist.
1 (29m 23s):
And this is something that I do to myself from time to time. And so I think something about the tenacity and the resilience that you've built up through your, through your kickboxing career is, is that's why I can see you on stage. Like you have to set yourself up for success. And I think anyone can develop that. And part of it is listening to this podcast, modeling the people who have done it. And when you hear that voice in your head realize it's, it's not true. Yeah. It feels scary. It feels true, but you, you have it in you and you can keep going while you talk to me, something you said earlier really jumped out at me. You mentioned that you went to Southeast Asia on your own for two months.
1 (30m 4s):
And that again is something that I admire so much and something I've always wanted to do. And have only just started in the last few years, traveling more. Talk to me about what led you there and how it changed you to do that.
2 (30m 18s):
I think what led me there is I've always had a desire to travel. Freedom, I think is the key The I spent a lot of time working out what my core values are. My core values are honesty, courage, and freedom. So I'm honest, I do a daily lunchtime live in my Facebook group. And I literally, I just talk about my day, if it's going well, if it's going badly, how I'm feeling, what I'm doing, honestly, and people love that. They say, I've got this natural energy. This is not true. Authenticity, courage. It's quite obvious. You need courage to fight you courage to go. Self-employed I've got courage. And then freedom. It's one of my deepest desires to be free, financial freedom, but physical location, freedom to, and I had savings because I'd always been working really hard in the pub.
2 (31m 7s):
And so, although it wasn't the best pay, I was the front of house manager and I was doing okay. I was working very hard for my income, but I wasn't fulfilled. I was, I wasn't going anywhere. I had worked my way up through a small family run business to become the front of house manager. And that was it. That was the top level really. And kickboxing, the club had failed. So I'd lost that. I didn't really know what to do. So I went to Europe a couple of times, each time stepping out of my comfort zone a little bit more. I went with a friend. Then I went on my own and then I thought, well, what am I going to do? I can't keep, I really, really want to go to Thailand. I really want to go.
2 (31m 48s):
I spoke to my boyfriend and he said, no, he wasn't going to allow it. And so then I had to make a really tough decision. I was like, we're going to split up. So just, I, I flew out on the 6th of January. We split up just before Christmas. I still had Christmas dinner with his mom. Like, because I didn't want it to break her heart. That was awkward. And yeah, I went out on my own. I got on a plane to Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia. And a couple of weeks later, we got back together to meet. My boyfriend has the happy ending. We're still together. Now we're stronger than ever now. Constant ups and downs as relationships have nothing is perfect. But the, I actually think going, self-employed relying on each other, opening up about vulnerability and communication has been essential.
2 (32m 34s):
And again, it's tough, but we're stronger than ever. And with regards to freedom, I dedicated to kickboxing, which prevented me from traveling, but there was still part of me that knew that I will go traveling again, but I want to become a black belt. I want to become a champion. I don't want to let my class down. I don't want to let my gym down. And I had these things fears holding me back, but also real things that I need to dedicate to. I've always, I wouldn't have achieved what I have. So it was important. And then this year, the beginning of this year, I realized I flew home on March the 23rd.
2 (33m 14s):
So before lockdown, although I think lockdown began around that date, I said the goal that by March the 23rd, 2025, I will be in Thailand. Again. I will not just be on holiday in Thailand. I will be running retreats in Thailand. I will be speaking in Thailand. I now don't want to run the retreat. I decided I've done some mindset work on this. And I thought, I don't want to actually run it because I've don't want it to be part of hospitality anymore. It's hard work. I want to be a guest speaker there and guest kickboxing, coach hypnotherapist, inspirational speaker at this retreat in Thailand.
2 (33m 55s):
And five years is long enough away that the world will have returned for some form of traveling normality. And we will, we'll be out there if you're out there as well. Lori that would be fun.
1 (34m 6s):
I was going to say, I wanted to invite you, let me know if this is happening and I will be in the front row.
2 (34m 11s):
Let's do it. Definitely. So that's why, that's why I went. And then yeah, when I was out there, it was great really, but it was missing something. It was great. But after a while, I got to the point where I was like, what am I doing? And I'm just going around and eating food. And so you can have a big, and so in the future. And I really want to combine that taking time away from my life, but also using it as time to reflect upon myself, improve my personal development. So before the retreat in five years' time, I want to go on holiday and I want to write a book for instance. So I want to take that timeout of the day to day running of my business and schedule it in a holiday, but a personal development holiday.
1 (34m 60s):
I love that. Tell me real quick. I should know this, but where, where are you located?
2 (35m 5s):
I'm in the Southeast of England. Okay. Now that I'm South of London on the coast. Okay. Yeah.
1 (35m 11s):
I know when I've, when I've traveled a little bit of travel that I've done just in the past few years, because I had never hardly been out of this state at all, except for little road trips with my family. And I tell people it's like, I had this gypsy trapped inside me because I just want to see the world. And the couple of times that I've been to Europe, they're there is some scary things when you travel, especially if you don't speak the language, if you don't understand the transportation, there can be these moments of, Oh, shoot, I don't know how to do this. And I think moving past that is also something that, that generates resilience inside. As we realize I was in this scary situation, there was nobody to help me. And I figured out how to get through it.
1 (35m 52s):
And it gives you, it helps you change on an identity level, but what you think,
2 (35m 57s):
Oh, absolutely. And you're on your own, but you connect with other people out of necessity. You co stayed in a lot of hostels and there's this hostile backpacking community. I remember flying to Bangkok on my own because I did a track in Burma and I had been traveling with a girl. So I wasn't completely on my own when I, Oh, I flew out to quite a lymphoma on my own. And I met a girl from Russia. So we're pretty different, but we, we both didn't quite have the courage to travel completely on our own. So we met up for the other side of the world and travel together for about a month and a half. And it's good because it got me out there, but there were differences.
2 (36m 38s):
And they started to notice over time. And eventually after a month and a half, we separated, we went separate ways. And then I was like, okay, I'm going to fly back to Bangkok because Thailand, Thailand's an easier country like Thailand, I'll go back there. Then I'll work out how I'm going to get to Vietnam. I'll skip Cambodia because I don't have enough time left. I'm working all out of this panic on my own completely now, but I got back there and then I walked in to the hospital and there was a guy, a German guy that I'd met in the South of Thailand a few weeks earlier. And it was like, I've only met this guy for a couple of days, but it was like welcoming a best friend. Like I know you, we can do this together. And it was just incredible.
2 (37m 19s):
That feeling that connection, it's so real because it's unfamiliar. Everything is so unfamiliar. So when you like talking about the unconscious mind, when you walk down your street at home in your local town, you don't notice anything, you know, everyone, but you don't feel the need to communicate with them, say hi to them. You're busy and your own mind doing whatever you're doing. But when you're in an unknown environment, you're thinking about everything you're aware of everything and you don't know anything and it's scary. And then you see something familiar is like, wow, this is incredible. So I love it. Yeah,
1 (37m 54s):
That's incredible. I, I know when I travel, oftentimes it's the same thing with partway through and think, well, what am I doing? I'm just going out to restaurants. And I started to notice that when I'm traveling a lot of times, the beautiful things I observe because I am more present in an unusual setting, I'll think, well, I have this back home. And it helps me when I come back home to be more mindful and appreciative of the beauty and the people in the little, like I conduct down a little random side alley here, just like I can when I'm in Europe and find something adventurous. And so I, and that always drives, like when I first come back, I'm more mindful. But then, you know, we kind of drift into our normal routine.
1 (38m 35s):
So even having this conversation with you is going to help me start to appreciate the beauty, especially for those of us who love to travel and really can't right now, there's so much beauty right there if you're really present and, and start to hone in on that. So if you had mentioned your daily lunchtime live and I've tuned in, I don't stop and watch people's videos very often because I love them so much that I'll get sucked in and I will never get anything done, but I've tuned into a couple of years and you are incredible. I totally agree that you have this way of just exuding this genuine authenticity and that inner coach comes through. And I feel inspired when I hear you speak.
1 (39m 16s):
And so I'm wondering if you'll talk a little bit about what gave you the courage to start making those videos? Was that really easy at first? Or what did you have to overcome some hurdles to start doing that?
2 (39m 27s):
I had to overcome hurdles to do it. I had I'm big on habit formation. I find habit creation really interesting. So obviously hypnotherapy helps with habit removal to, and that's something that I enjoy, but I knew that I needed to create this habit to make myself do it create your own routine routine is essential. So when your training to fight, you establish a routine because your will power lieu drop. You might have all the motivation in the world to start off with, but then a day will come on, you're too busy. Something comes up and you don't do it anymore. Look down here. I tried to create a routine. I tried to do it. I tried to hate the word, try.
2 (40m 7s):
And I, I remember one time in the gym before a class. And I was, I wasn't in the best mood that day that I was talking to a friend and I was like, I really need to go live. I really don't want to go live. I really don't know what to say. You don't want everyone to judge me? Oh, no. Kind of really nervous, but I did it and it wasn't very good. The first one is never all, but I felt good that I managed to do it, but I still doing it regularly, locked down here. I had a couple of days of panic anxiety. Where am I going to do? So like give up everything. I can't coach kickboxing anymore. I can't earn an income. And then I sat down on a fortnight. You can, you can coach kickboxing just because you haven't done it online yet.
2 (40m 47s):
Doesn't mean you can't to create that routine, speak to the women. You coach ask them if they'll join you on zoom, give it a, go, learn how to do it it together. And that was how fighting fit together was created, looked down and pushed me to go online. And then I realized that I was dedicating everything to my business and my eating had gone out the window. Some days I would hit three o'clock in the afternoon and I still hadn't made time to eat. I was worrying about how to record a video and make it look good. I was worried about the stupid, the details of how do I get a website and how am I gonna do this? And how am I gonna do that? It's like, no, no. It's important to look after your own health. First as a self-employed person, more than anybody, we need to look after our own health.
2 (41m 28s):
Especially if we're coaching other people, we want to help them to the best of our ability. So we need to be functioning at the best of our ability. So I was like, okay, you need to have lunch habit stack going live with lunch. You want to develop this skill? If you don't practice it won't improve. There's no point sitting there going, Oh dear. My first video, wasn't very good. I give up because that's not what I do. I want to improve. I need to practice it all comes back to that. Same with the fighting. Same with the speaking the same with the hypnotherapy. If you don't practice, you don't get out there and you don't go and do it. You'll stay crap basically. So since then I've done it every Monday to Friday at one o'clock.
2 (42m 8s):
I do my lunchtime live. They vary from two minutes to 10 minutes. Just a little bit about my day, what I'm doing. If I've got anything insightful to tell people today, it was quick. One in the car. I'm on my way to record a podcast with Lori. I'm a little bit nervous. I'm stepping out of my own comfort zone. If I'm being completely honest, but if I can do it, you can do it too. That would go. And that was it. Short and sweet. So that makes me so happy.
1 (42m 33s):
I, I really, really think you have said something key that I, that I want people listening to really internalize. And this is the idea of habits and routines and putting your health. First. I was jotting down notes. As you were typing, you mentioned the term habit stack. When you talk to me a little bit more about that.
2 (42m 52s):
So habit stacking is I read it in the atomic habits by James clear, I'm sure it's not an entirely new concept that I was doing it before I read about it. I just didn't have a name for it. It's where you take a habit that you currently do and you stack a habit that you want to create on to that habit. So it takes a conscious decision out of the process. So when you get up in the morning, if you make yourself a coffee, you can have it stack something. I have it stark writing my morning, gratitudes in that gap. When the kettle is boiling, what do we do? Mindlessly scroll Facebook probably is my guess. So remove that bad habit and put in a positive habit.
2 (43m 32s):
It could be gratitude. It could be doing press-ups one that I recommend to people quite a lot. When they say I can't do press-ups, I've been there. I know what it's like. I know how you have to build that physical ability. So use your kitchen side. It's about the perfect height. Do some press-ups against it, but that builds the strength. And if you start doing that every time you boil your kettle, if you drink regular cups of coffee or regular cups of tea, you will build that strength over time. And before you know it, you will be able to do press ups without changing anything. You don't really have to make big changes. Yeah.
1 (44m 6s):
I so loved that. You said this yesterday on my group call, I do group calls in my weight loss without willpower program every week, and this was our topic. And so I learned this from BJ Fogg who wrote a book called tiny habits. And it's the same thing. And this is how I developed my, my workout practice is just every morning. My routine was after I go to the bathroom, I'm going to do 30 seconds of I'm going to move my body for 30 seconds. So it could have been 30 seconds of jumping jacks are squats or pushups, witch in the U S push-ups in the, in the UK PR press-ups, but these little tiny habits, and this is such a great way also to counter our inner perfectionist, because we're just doing tiny little bite sized chunks and it's, it's something that's doable.
1 (44m 51s):
And over time, that compound effect is just absolutely phenomenal. I love that you brought that up. That is so, so incredible. This, this has been so beautiful and I feel like I've looking at the time and it's been less than an hour. And I feel like I have just gotten this masterclass in taking action. Is there anything that, all that you, that you would want the listener to understand about you, about their ability to move forward? Anything else that you want to share before we say goodbye?
2 (45m 22s):
The majority of listeners of this podcast are just starting out on their journey. Aren't they?
1 (45m 27s):
I think many of them, yes.
2 (45m 28s):
In that case, I've got a story to tell them the story of Michael. So I'm practicing. And I have that today. I've got to read good news. Is that the guy that I worked with, he now no longer has a coffee drinking habit. I hypnotized him and I removed that habit. So that's the happy ending of the story, but I messed up. I messed up big time. Luckily I was practicing and he was very good about it. His name is Matthew Matthew bonds. He is part of he's my, my buddy at the moment as part of the Jap Quinn Hypnosis Academy and I called his subconscious mind, Michael. So I was speaking to the part that runs his coffee, drinking habit.
2 (46m 10s):
Michael's subconscious by and saw I got it completely wrong, but I ran the session I managed to carry on and it worked he's habit has been removed, but I'm not perfect. And that's okay because I'm learning. And I think the moral of the story is it doesn't have to be perfect to be effective. Yes. Yeah. I'm constantly learning. And as I, I, every time I practice my confidence increases, and that is the feedback that I get from everybody that I hypnotized. I'm a very confident hypnotist. I think that is because I can anchor the confidence for champion because I've experienced it in the ring.
2 (46m 56s):
And I had to spend a lot of time working towards it. So I called my business. I am fighting fit because I used to scream at myself, my head, that voice inside my head with scream, I'm not fit enough. I'm not fit enough in this state of panic, losing fights. So guess what? I wasn't fit enough. It was only one. I reframed that, thinking that I am fighting fit. I am a champion and I turned up and I was ready to win. I knew that I'd done all of the fitness I needed to do physically. I hadn't changed a lot. I just mentally improved stronger, stronger. And that was how I became a champion. And I can take that now into my Hypnosis. And I know that I metaphorically, I'm a champion hypnotherapist and inspirational speaker.
2 (47m 42s):
I don't have to spend those five years of losing and being punched in the face to get the, I know that I can anchor that confidence. And I'm also now one time to have that confidence into other people.
1 (47m 55s):
The thing is, we say to ourselves are so powerful. And for you just to simply change the, the voice in that head, I tell people to things can't be in the same place at the same time. So if you're telling yourself I am fighting fit, I am fighting fit. Then that voice that was saying, you're not fit enough, can't fit because your head is full of that positive, powerful voice. You mentioned anchoring. W will you just talk a little bit about how you do that and how people who are listening can do
2 (48m 22s):
At the same? I'm not actually that confident that anchoring, but that's a great question to
1 (48m 29s):
Get it together,
2 (48m 32s):
But it's where you can visualize a memory, a memory where you felt a feeling really strongly, a really powerful one, and you could create a motion. So the most common one is with your fingers. And so then whenever you do that motion, you draw back to that feeling. You can do it wherever you are, however you're feeling. I can actually do it without any physical. I can just take a breath in feel what it felt like to be there and relax my shoulders. That's the key. And maybe that's the anchor for me. There we go. I've created the anchor of relaxing my shoulders, and that's how I visualize being a champion.
1 (49m 13s):
I love that. That's brilliant. I'll share really quickly. I talk about the three BS in the three BS are breathing, body language and beliefs, and all beliefs are, is the voice that's in our head right now. And when you change those three things, I really think it's the most powerful form of self Hypnosis in the whole world. And I don't think it clicked for me until just as you were speaking, that, that, that, that changing those three BS is in and of itself an anchor. So if you notice, I've been teaching people, Andrew Huberman at neuroscientists teaches the physiological side. So anyone listening right now do this with us. So it's two breaths in with the side. So if you've ever seen someone who's been crying really hard and they start to calm down, they'll often go out And that offloads stress chemicals from the body, it lets the, it like offloads the cortisol, the adrenaline, and puts you into the parasympathetic nervous system, which is the rest and digest.
1 (50m 14s):
And so then if you just simply like, like you said, just imagine, you know, maybe that a string is pulling you up from the top of the head and it's letting the rest of your body just relax and align and those shoulders relaxed. And then you say to yourself, I am fighting fit or whatever something is. That just means powerful forward momentum for me last night, I was doing this when I was thinking about, I just need to close down my business and go back to doing hair. I was telling myself, I am making a difference. I was thinking about all the people that are leaving testimonials in my, in my current launch that I'm doing. And, you know, we, we have the power to change those things in our lives.
2 (50m 53s):
I think you just bought something back in my memory. I think embodiment is powerful too, because I, the way that I warm up now, between the four, my last three fights, the ones I've won. I shared a changing room with the girl, the fighter who beat me in my final loss, the horrible one, the horrible fight, but she's not a horrible person. She's a fighter. She was there to win. She's fine. She's respectful. And I watched her warming up and I watched the way she moved and the confidence that she had created. She, but she wasn't confident. And I saw it when I fought her in the ring. She was hard as anything. Absolutely nothing phased her.
2 (51m 33s):
But I watched her warming up with her headphones in looking nervous, but dealing with her body language, dealing with those emotions that we all have to deal with, they don't go away. They don't ever go away from anything that you learned to manage them better. But that fear response is there when you're stepping out of your comfort zone and I watched her, and then since then I've had this ability to almost embody her because I lost so badly to her and she hid it so well while I was in the ring. I didn't realize that the time that actually she was struggling with the same emotions before walking out, if she can do it, I can do it too. And I sort of almost co I guess I copied her, her patterns, but put my own take on it.
2 (52m 16s):
And it's all about standing up to rolling your shoulders back, hands relaxed, and then on your toes. So if your books are a Kickbox, you'll know what that means. It just means just sort of light moving about warming up instead of tents, really big, powerful punches light. You see some men do it like, ah, thinking like acting really big. It's like, actually, no, just relax. And with that calm, it comes up confidence. And that was how I became a champion going out into that ring, relaxing. My show does being light on my toes, looking across the ring at her, as I had had happened to me, when I lost just letting her know I'm going to win. I'm confident that I'm going to beat you. And in my head, I was like, I'm here to become a champion.
2 (52m 57s):
Even though moments before I'd been like, Oh, I'm really nervous, but none I hide it, everybody that confidence that is who I am. I think that's powerful.
1 (53m 6s):
It is powerful. And I think most, most training hypnotists, one of the first things we learned is how important it is to be, to be confident in what's in NLP, we call congruent. And I think sometimes we think we have to really be that confident. But the truth is we can embody a person who has that confidence and show up. So for me, I trained with Mike Mandel and I would just go to my appointments as Mike Mann, Dell. And when you, when you let yourself embody another person, it's really not faking it till you make it. Rather. I think that it's unlocking that resource that is inside you. There is a confident part of you. And when you let yourself embody a person who models that for you, it allows you to step into it yourself.
1 (53m 49s):
I'm so happy. You brought that up.
2 (53m 51s):
I had Freddy on your podcast as well. And one of his quotes, I think he was quoting Ericsson, but I'll quote Freddy because that's who I heard it from. And it was when he said I have my doubts, but I don't doubt my ability to keep my doubts to myself. And it, then you realize that Freddie is doing it to fray. If you were doing it to, I hear your point, but I've heard you say I got nervous before I asked Freddy. Yeah, we're all doing it. We're all out there. We're all doing our best at what we're currently doing at this moment in time. We're all good at what we do. We're all the best we can possibly be, but we all feel it. We all have that voice inside our head and it's that ability to keep it to ourselves, quiet in it and show up, show up with that sense of purpose.
2 (54m 36s):
And that's how we overcome it, making sure our purpose, our why our North star, whatever it is that drives us and as therapists coach is that we'll be to help us in some way, we will be improving the lives of others and that purpose. That's what inspires us when it gets tough. That's why you're not going to go back to becoming a hairdresser. That's why I'm not going to go back to working in a pub. I've I felt it at the pubs of shell. So I can't, but we have that purpose within us. And that will keep us strong. That will keep us stepping out of our comfort zone.
1 (55m 15s):
Absolutely, absolutely. This is so brilliant. I am so incredibly grateful that you reached out to me. I thought this would have been such a loss for me and for the people listening, if you hadn't. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for reaching out. I'm so emotional. This is like the coolest interview Jessica before we say goodbye, will you tell people how they can, how they can reach out to you. If someone wants to work with you or receive coaching from you, I, and I'll put the notes below, but what's the best way to do that. And how do you work with people?
2 (55m 45s):
So there's a couple of ways I'm growing my Facebook group. That's where I do my lunchtime lives. And then you can even link that below Lori Or on my website, www.am, fighting, fit.co.uk. That's my main website. And then it needs updating. My always, I think everybody new in business says, Oh, it needs updating though. It's on the to-do list. But I, the thing that I'm most proud of at the moment is my membership site, my fighting fit together is my community is the heart of what I do. And it's, I guess simply it's about personal development. It includes the live kickboxing class weekly on Tuesday at six UK time, I do have a lady training with me from America, and it includes a monthly group coaching session on mindset or nutrition or combination the two off the phone about creating healthier habits and identifying areas of our lives on motivations and what we're working towards, but coming up with solutions together, supporting each other.
2 (56m 43s):
And we do a monthly book club. So we pick a book of the month and we meet up weekly to discuss the Burke, how it's impacting our lives. It's another way of self-reflection as part of a community. So another way of offering support and advice and looking at different perspectives, because we all read a couple of chapters of a self-help personal development, whatever book is that well, and we all take it in slightly differently. So it's really interesting. I didn't realize I was going to love that part of my membership as much as I do. I thought it was going to be predominantly focused on the kickboxing, but the book club element I'm also very passionate about as well.
2 (57m 23s):
And then also there's going to be the hypnotherapy, but that we'll be on a one-to-one basis. So I've got people lined up to offer hypnotherapy to I'll have to get that on the website quickly. When is this coming out?
1 (57m 37s):
Can you tell me when you're ready and I will have this podcast ready?
2 (57m 41s):
I don't have hypnotherapy services on any website yet. If there's any time soon, if its in a few weeks, then I'll get them on the website. But if not message me and I can, I can communicate with people directly there. Are you
1 (57m 54s):
Comfortable with giving us your email address?
2 (57m 57s):
Yeah. It's [email protected] Okay. I think.
1 (58m 6s):
Okay. So, but yeah, if you wanna get that up. Great. And if not, I think the fact that we're talking about doing it imperfectly is we'll appeal to people in the middle understand. I know my website is always a work in progress and I bought I've had it on my to-do list for like weeks update your homepage, update your home page and it just keeps moving and moving and moving. But I'm doing things that I think make a bigger difference because those, I think hypnotists, anyone listening and I might just leave all this in here. Cause I love it. When people can see the raw conversation with so many people wait to build a perfect website before they launched their business. And I'm telling you, my website has gotten me almost zero business.
1 (58m 47s):
The people who come to me, I, I send them to my website. They come to me through Facebook or referral or all these places. And then I send them to the website and by then they already know me because like you, I make videos. So these videos are building rapport with people. And so, because they already know like, and trust me there it's okay that my website is imperfect. So stop waiting to build the perfect website and start getting out there and sharing your gift.
2 (59m 14s):
Yeah. I definitely think leader in me. I like it. Good, good. I think it's important to acknowledge that it's not perfect and it doesn't have the H how it changes. Like I was happy with it a few weeks ago and I didn't know that, Oh, I need to add on therapy services on that now because I'm offering them. And, but at the moment I'm offering them in my Facebook group to people who need my help right now, because we're just going into lockdown again. And I don't really need it on my website. And then somebody explaining this to me as a marketing guy and how you have your bronze, your silver and your gold, your gold is serving people, helping them offering them therapy. Speaking this podcast. If I wasn't here talking to you now, and I was sitting at home putting hypnotherapy services on my website to make it perfect.
2 (59m 58s):
Before I spoke to you, would anybody be booking those hypnotherapy services? No, because I'm here now doing this and then I will be going and I will be helping people. They will then tell people and are they even going to look at my website? Probably not. And so it's kind of, it's not a gold priority. It might be a silver one, but probably not. It's probably a bronze priority because I say silver is the podcast. Gold is actually running the sessions and changing people's lives. Silver's talking about it, getting to know people. I heard one of the analogies that you used about Facebook being like inviting people into your front room. So my Facebook group, especially on my personal profile, that's me inviting you. And to get to know me, I don't expect you to buy from me, use my services until you know who I am until you feel comfortable around me until you're ready for that.
2 (1h 0m 48s):
And my website is like the billboard down the road. Like you can look at it as you walk by, but you probably won't take much notice. It's got my details on that. And if you really want to book through my website, it will be on there, but come and get to know me com to come into my front, Room join me on Facebook. They come and speak to me, send me a message. And that's how you'll know if we connect on it.
1 (1h 1m 8s):
This is so beautiful. I'm learning from you in anyone tuning in what, what Jessica just shared. Please take it to heart. This is pure gold, and this is what will actually move you forward in your business. So I I'm so grateful to you. This has been an absolutely beautiful start to my day. And I, I want to stay connected with you. Let me know what you're doing and how I can get the word out there. And I, I cannot wait to watch you absolutely skyrocket forward. I, I know you're going to do great things and are, are already doing great things. So thank you so much. Jessica from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for your,
2 (1h 1m 44s):
Thank you. Thank you for having me. I just realized, and you
1 (1h 1m 49s):
Could go ahead and tell me what you're going to say.
2 (1h 1m 52s):
The power of I am and accepting that I am an inspirational speaker. And I was speaking to a guy again, part of the hypnotherapy training that I'm doing with the Jack Quinn's. His name is young abandon on his followings. His name is Jay, but he said, as soon as you embrace the, I am a speaker. That's when you become it. If your practicing speak is like, what am I doing now? I want to put costs. I'm speaking. But I prefer the term inspirational speaker over motivational speaker. I didn't know why, but it was what in my gut I felt was the right term, even though motivational speakers, the more popular one.
2 (1h 2m 32s):
So I went in and did a little search on Google and Simon Sineck came up, explaining the difference between motivation and inspiration and how is actually very external. It relies on an external reward or fear. So when we are motivated, we're working towards something we desire or we're working away from something we want to prevent, but motivation is affected by those external factors. Whereas inspiration comes from within us. It's a feeling, it's a desire, it's it connects back to our purpose. So when we're inspired to make change, we don't have to be motivated.
2 (1h 3m 12s):
It's possible to be inspired to do something, even when we're not feeling like it. Even when we're not motivated today, we can't see the external reward. So we might be practicing. We might be learning, reading, developing something as a hypnotherapist. We might not feel like it today. We might not have that external motivation to go out there and read another hypnotherapy script. But we have that internal inspiration that we know is that the study that we put in now, the practice that we put in now, the overcoming that comfort zone silencing the Imposter Monster we will affect the lives of others. We don't need that external factor.
1 (1h 3m 53s):
Absolutely. And we'll you mentioned we had turned off the recording and Jessica, and I re we're thinking that we should put this back on, because we were talking about these amazing things you mentioned when you were working with Matthew slash Michael, and you had this script and went off script. When you talk to me a little bit about going off script and why you liked to do that. Yeah.
2 (1h 4m 13s):
Can you call Smith that inspired me. There we go. Going back to inspiration, but I have never felt comfortable reading the scripts. They sound like Freddy and Antony to me. It's and I understand that you need to learn the fundamentals of say parts, negotiation. And I'm at the point now where I know how it works. I don't need to read the script the same with the protocols that we learn, the time machine, the arrow. I don't need the script for them anymore. It's easier to read the script because I don't have to rely on myself. I don't have that fear of getting it wrong because I'm just following the script. And that's how I could justify that in my mind.
2 (1h 4m 53s):
I could say, that's okay, I'm learning, I'm practicing. But actually I am a hypnotherapist in my own, right? I'm learning under them. And some of the phrases that I use will sound like them, but 95% to that is now my own. And the feedback that I have had from the sessions that I've run so far are that I have this confidence in how I deliver my sessions. I think that is because I have allowed myself to step out of my comfort zone and put in my own phrases, my own. I'm not following a script anymore. I'm being me. I I'm changing people's lives. I'm not just reading a script.
2 (1h 5m 34s):
And I think that is important. And I think it is like, I think I even used the example a minute, go in the motivation, learning another script. But if you are holding back from getting out there and practicing, you don't need to learn another script. You need to trust yourself. You need to have a faith in your own ability. I know that you know it and your voice is the one that they need to hear to guide them through. Hypnosis
1 (1h 5m 59s):
Go out there and start practicing before you have that. Because the only way you get that confidence and trust in yourself is by doing it and doing it even though it's scary.
2 (1h 6m 9s):
Yeah. Even if you get that name wrong, it's still,
1 (1h 6m 13s):
Yeah. I was saying, I think I've messed up. And just about every session I mess up in some way. So if you're waiting to do it until you can do it perfectly, you might as well go do a different career because you're never going to have it just right. It's okay to do it in perfectly. And when you are, like you said, when you understand the principles underneath the different protocols, and you can understand them to tell yourself, I can understand this, what is the principle underneath? And your unconscious mind is going to unlock it for you as you're looking at that script. And then you can just go off script. So I heard this term patter a while back, and it's like, these little to me, Freddy always says, as he'll, he'll talk about on a cellular level, on a molecular level.
1 (1h 6m 57s):
And so I've adopted these little, like I have these little Freddy patterns and these little Mick Mandale patterns and Carl Smith patterns and like just little phrases that I'll use here in there. But I don't do the scripts. Sometimes in a group session, I'll create a script or bullet points for my session, but on my one-on-ones, I let my client give me the script when they talk about what they want. And I'll, I'll repeat that back to them. And it's just it. When you learned to trust yourself, and the only way you're going to do it is by doing it, just start to trust yourself. That's where the magic happens.
2 (1h 7m 30s):
That actually come up with my own.
1 (1h 7m 32s):
I went in there. I would love to hear it. If you want to share,
2 (1h 7m 35s):
And then thinking about this, it kept me, it kept me awake last night. I was like, Oh, do I Or don't tie if I do this on a podcast, how many people will hear it? But as I am all for stepping out of my comfort zone, and this is all about stepping out of your comfort zone, I guess I'll give it a go. It doesn't, it doesn't have the script cause I'm still creating it. So that's another thing, creativity. It can't be wrong. So it takes only a couple of minutes and you will feel fantastic after this. So if you're ready to be hypnotized, if you're sitting comfortably, take a nice deep breath in breathing in optimism and positivity and breathing out, feeling relaxation, going through your body, allowing your eyes to close.
2 (1h 8m 23s):
Only as soon as you're ready to enter the profound state of Hypnosis a place where it's peaceful for you to be ignoring your surroundings. Now, nothing matters. Nobody needs anything just for this moment. This moment is for you. Appreciate this moment, enjoy this moment and acknowledge that you are leaving your body. Now you're going to a place, a cliff, a big cliff, take a look around, feel it, feel what is it like? What feel, what it feels like to be on the edge of this cliff. This cliff is the edge of your comfort zone.
2 (1h 9m 4s):
Feel that fare in the pit of your stomach, but know that everything is okay. Have a faith, have a trust is safe and a trust in yourself and know that you have wings inside of you know, that they're the feel of them ready to bring you to freedom. But before you feel these feelings, this freedom, you're going to have to step off of the cliff. So one more look around, see the sea below you, crushing against the rocks and fill it. Feel that fare that you can not get rid of the fear that you're going to overcome.
2 (1h 9m 46s):
And I'm going to ask you to be brave, going to count from one to three, and then I'm going to say jump. And then you will jump off the cliff and hear wish as your wings develop. Ready. One, feel that fair to no, there's no turning back free, ready and Jump and wish free freedom. Calm. Take a look around, take a look at your wings. The most magnificent, most beautiful wings. You may not have seen them before. They may be new to you, but experience them now and know that they are always within you.
2 (1h 10m 30s):
Whenever you have to step out of your comfort zone. Whenever you have to overcome a fear, know that inside here, you have the most beautiful, magnificent wings to support you, to guide you, to allow you to fly to your freedom, look around what does freedom look like, feel it fully embrace it and take that feeling with you. Take it inside you and know that you can access that feeling. All it takes is a split moment of fear jumping off of that cliff. And that will never go in that moment, but it's worth it.
2 (1h 11m 11s):
Look at the beauty. Look at the scenery. This is your world. This is your freedom. Take it in one more time. Take one more. Look at your wings and feel it lock in deep inside you, but ready, ready to allow you to flip free, free flying into your freedom whenever you need it. And only is only as quickly as you're ready to bring that back to you back to your physical body, back to the Room. But knowing it's always within you, that confidence, that calm, floating freedom, you will allow your eyes to open.
2 (1h 11m 55s):
O is incredible. It's set. The internet went unstable.
1 (1h 12m 4s):
How are you the whole time? It didn't cut out for me. So, and I'm sure it will be good on the recording, but I felt like I could feel the wind on my face. I could feel the expansiveness. When you said, look at your wings. I felt like these massive era desiccant just beautiful. And I just like to anyone listening, can you imagine if Jessica had stayed in her comfort zone as that little 19 year old girl and never done kickboxing, can you imagine if she had stayed in her comfort zone and never reached out and said, can I be on your podcast? Or if she had stayed in her comfort zone and not shared that potentially life-changing protocol, but you just did with us.
1 (1h 12m 49s):
Like, I feel like for, for me now in my Imposter Monster screens in my ear, I'm gonna, all the sudden those wings are just going to sprout and I'm going to feel the breeze on my face. And I'm going to see the view from up here. Like it's scary getting up here. And like you said, that voice, it doesn't go away, but I've learned to make the voice something that I, where I can say, okay. Yeah, I see you. I'm scared. Here I go. And just do it anyway.
2 (1h 13m 16s):
Well, I'm glad I did it. I was like, Oh no, Oh no, you got the rods for them. And then I'll let you, it doesn't matter. My buddy now. And I don't even know what the words are because I'm creating them. And on that note, I wanted to say where it came from the inspiration for this protocol, I guess. And it came from Veronica and his quote. We have to be continually jumping off clips and allowing our wings to develop on the way down. So he's an American writer and I was doing some research for a mindset Monster class that I was running on, stepping out of your comfort zone. And, but then I just read the quote and said, this is an amazing quote, but it, somewhere in my brain, it registered The that could actually be quite profound and I can turn it into something.
2 (1h 14m 7s):
So I'm just using creativity. And like I said, there's no right or wrong answer. It is not quite the arrow technique yet, but one day then I'll be keeping it all around the world.
1 (1h 14m 19s):
Yeah, I think it's pretty awesome. I'd S it's transformational and I love the simplicity. I love how you, you made me truly feel and experience being on the edge of that cliff and soaring above and beyond those wings that are inside me, just coming out at the perfect time.
2 (1h 14m 37s):
Oh, thank you. I'm glad it worked because I haven't experienced it myself. Yeah.
1 (1h 14m 41s):
Well, you know, when this podcast comes out, you'll have to sit and listen to yourself, hypnotize yourself, or share it with someone and let them do it. I wouldn't even do it with you. So thank you. This is so awesome. Thank you so much. I'm so grateful for your time. And is there anything else that you want to add before we wrap up in real life?
2 (1h 15m 2s):
I think the last thing that came into my mind when we turned the recorder on, I thought, Oh, I didn't say that becoming a hypnotist, overcoming a hypnotherapist. We're always seeking that one more script. One more diploma, one more, maybe it's even one more practice session before we charge for the value that we are providing. And you don't have the definitely, even if you are given a definite, I became a black belt. And the first day that I stepped in to the gym with a black belt around my waist, they tied it up. And I stood on, I looked around and I had this voice inside my head that said, if you're not really a black belt, you're just, you know, like people might realize that you're not actually a black belt.
2 (1h 15m 47s):
So it's always there, even if, you know, I know, and now I'm a second degree black belt, and I'm so much more confident in my black belt abilities, so that I've ever been. But to begin with, I felt like an impulse, the black belt even have off to spending five hours proving that I was a black belt. I still had that voice there. So don't, don't allow that voice to stop you because it will be there. You just have to allow your wings to develop and fly.
1 (1h 16m 20s):
Jessica thank you so much. And thank you to everyone who listened. I'm so grateful for you. And I cannot wait to hear how you jump off that cliff and take flight yourself. Have an amazing day. Everyone.
0 (1h 16m 34s):
I'm so grateful. You've listened all the way to the end. What is one tiny action step you'll take now, based on an aha moment you got during the podcast, maybe that life changing action step is to come accept the gift I have for [email protected] Head there right now to get your powerful Hypnosis. Audio the answer. Room that lets you make important decisions and get crystal clear about your next step forward on this path of purpose in your one. Great and precious life.