What if indifference is the key  

By Lori Hammond

Coach and Professional Hypnotist. Giving you simple tools to stop overwhelm and harness joyful forward momentum.

You might want to know what you're in for before you start reading this cheat sheet. 

If you... like me... sometimes feel overwhelmed about the concept of forgiveness, you're in for some joy-inducing aha moments.

I’ve really struggled to forgive one particular woman, I’ll call her Deb, who caused my children and I pain when I was a single mom of 3 teenage daughters.

If I’m being honest, I didn't want to forgive her.

I didn’t think she deserved to be forgiven and I felt like forgiving her would be a betrayal of my kids and myself. 

Deep down I felt that forgiving her would be saying...

"It’s ok that you did that crappy thing to us.”

Logically, I realize that’s not true, but my inner child… the part of me that tries to keep me safe… doesn’t do logic. 

My inner child (what we sometimes call the subconscious/unconscious mind) operates on FEELINGS. 

Every time I read about a new forgiveness technique I “try it out” so see if it will stop my cheeks from burning and my heart from pounding with fury every time I think about Deb.

(Unforgiveness guarantees that I think about her more often than necessary.)

I recently spoke with the brilliant Kaz Riley who told me how she helps clients experience healing and freedom WITHOUT insisting on forgiveness.

Kaz mentioned that she helps clients get to a feeling of indifference... which is no feeling at all... about a person who has caused them pain. (You can eavesdrop on our conversation here.)

I LOVE that idea. When I seek forgiveness it is, selfishly, because I want to stop hurting.

When I'm stuck in unforgiveness it feels like putting my hand on a hot stove, over and over, to remind myself that fire is hot.

Unforgiveness makes us keep re-experiencing old trauma as if it's happening right now.

Forgiveness and indifference let us remember that fire is hot (so stay the heck away from that person)...

AND...

It drains away the emotion so we can FEEL ok.

SIDE NOTE: Forgiveness does not mean staying with the hot stove... if you know what I mean.

We can live life in the present and look forward to the future instead of being a past-life-zombie who lives right now based on something that happened a long time ago.

As I typed that sentence I thought, "I hope people read this and feel compassion behind it" because that's my intention. I want you to live an outrageously awesome life and I 100% believe you can. No matter how many people have done crappy things to you.

The Most Powerful and Playful Forgiveness Protocol in the World

Yesterday I heard something that stopped forgiveness-resistant heart in its tracks. I was listening to the life-changing audiobook, "What if This is Heaven" and the author, Anita Moorjani said the following...

“Imagine you and your tormentors are actors in a play. Then visualize meeting up with them at the cast party after the show, where they are no longer in character. Picture them with completely different and very loving personalities, greeting you with genuine affection and complimenting you on your own performance. Repeat this visualization often, allowing it to help you shift your perspective a little more each time.”

It's so strange looking at those words in print. It's just a tiny paragraph in a 200 page book.

I wonder if Anita Moorjani realizes what a powerful hypnotic Protocol this could be?

As I listened to Anita suggest this fun forgiveness game, the first person who popped in my mind was Deb!

I pictured meeting her in a space filled with light and joyful, bubbly, positive energy. I felt warmth and joy in my body as I imagined this “back stage” space. 

Deb and I lit up as we did a little jump and high-fived each other, our faces beaming with joy and laughter. 

“Great performance!” Deb said. Likely referring to the years of internal drama I stirred up by reminding myself of Deb’s offence on repeat. 

"You too, Deb! You could get an Academy Award for that scene!"