Martin Hewlett
From Chaos to CALM
Learn how Martin moved past childhood trauma to create a life of purpose and peace.
Find Martin
Take Martin's Banish Anxiety Course: https://bit.ly/3gogq0W
Website: https://www.martinhewlett.co.uk/
Email: [email protected]
0 (0s):
If you were haunted and harassed by your own inner critic, if you've ever been curious about why hypnosis works so well, if you're a seasoned hypnotist, or if you suspect that the inner critic is actually hypnotizing you to hold back from reaching the greatness that you know, deep down is inside you, lean in and get inspired to get out of your comfort zone and create your one precious life with purpose and intention. If you like this show, you'll love my powerful hypnosis audio, the answer room, because it gives you crystal clear guidance and direction and illuminates an ingenious way to make triumphant decisions.
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No matter how stuck you feel or how confused you were. This powerful hypnosis audio is my gift to you. When you go to the imposter monster.com again, that's the imposter monster.com. Don't forget the, the, the imposter monster.com. And yes, I'm done saying it. Thank you. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart for listening. I'm Lori Hammond, and I'm truly grateful for you today. I'm talking to Martin Hewlett who hosts the calming anxiety podcast, which started as a small project for friends and past clients and has skyrocketed to a half million downloads in a few short months.
0 (1m 32s):
Martin has overcome incredible hardships in his life and is found healing and forgiveness that allow him to create and live a beautiful peaceful life. Proving that the past it does not have to predict the present or the future Martin. And I both want you to know if he can do it. So can you, especially if you model his mindsets and his perspective as you move forward and create your life with intention, enjoy the show. Martin, thank you so much for being here. You and I spoke a few days ago, and as soon as I got on the phone with you on the zoom call with you, I knew that I wanted you on this podcast.
0 (2m 13s):
You just have such, such a peaceful, demeanor. Your program is called calming anxiety. Yes, yes it is. And I feel like you have that just, I don't consider myself an anxious person, but just speaking with you, I felt calmer and you have such a remarkable story. So I wanted to share it with the listeners today,
1 (2m 34s):
Huh? Well, yeah, I don't think it's remarkable because it's just my life. So I think everyone has the same sort of journey and experiences, but the more I delve into the calming anxiety podcast and then everything that's associated around it and see people's reactions. I realized that maybe I do have particularly unique. And like yesterday I had an article in our local website and magazine that came out about me and all of my friends have said, because they, they took one quote that I said that I was, I found something now that I'm really passionate about.
1 (3m 21s):
And without fail all my friends have come back and said, hang on a minute. You're passionate about everything. You don't do anything without committing a hundred percent. I'm like, yeah, you're right. I do. I find things. And I think if I'm to enjoy that and take part in it, there's only one way of doing it and that's doing a hundred percent.
2 (3m 45s):
I love that. Will you talk to me a little bit about what brought you to, to creating your podcast, kind of whatever you feel is relevant?
1 (3m 57s):
So I started a hypnotherapy practice in Southwest England by the coast in Devin, and it's fairly rural here. So I was never going to make a big business out of it. And I also wanted to provide ongoing care for my clients. So I started a YouTube channel and I had six videos up there, well, audio sessions. And then I happened to be watching a PatFlynn YouTube session. And he was going on about the importance of podcasting, how it's really growing. So I thought, Oh, well, that makes more sense.
1 (4m 38s):
That's all audio. I then started the podcast, calming anxiety. And again, I, I was only producing it for my clients that had come to visit me. And also for some of my colleagues in the ambulance service, if they get had a bad job, they could just listen to it. But the, the show is just escalated. It's taken off far bigger than I could ever have imagined. It's been running six months and we're almost breaking half a million downloads in that time. And it just shows that people are really crying out for, I dunno, calming and relaxation and a moment to just step off the whole business about work and family and having to do things.
1 (5m 35s):
And they just want a little bit of time out for their soul. And that's what I, who I produce it for.
2 (5m 41s):
And will you say a little bit about the structure of your podcast? Because I think it's a little bit unique if I'm not mistaken.
1 (5m 48s):
Well, it's a blend of meditation and self-hypnosis and people said, or what have you based it on? And I've based it on nothing. I've thought this works for me. This is, I mean, when I record the podcast, I just shut my eyes and talk into the mic. And I'm, I'm basically giving people a part of my mind for the next 10 to 30 minutes, if this is what I would like. So this is what I produce. So every podcast they're unscripted and they're from the heart, it's just what I'm feeling at the time.
2 (6m 25s):
I love that. So when a person tuned into your podcast, they can expect to literally calm their anxiety as they listen.
1 (6m 32s):
That that is it. The emails I get in for the podcast. They're just so touching. I mean, I share them with my other half and there isn't a week now where we're not moved to tears by what people's story is. And it's just wonderful. And you just realize you're giving something, which is why I produced it. I just wanted the help that my therapist five odd years ago gave me is what I now trying to do for as many people as possible.
2 (7m 6s):
Beautiful. Will you talk to me a little bit about what got you interested in hypnosis?
1 (7m 13s):
Well, that was a very pivotal day. I had suffered a very large sort of mental breakdown that was seen by my colleagues and my line managers at work. They saw it coming and I didn't, and I don't think people do when they're in it. My boss met me once. I was out on standby as a paramedic on an ambulance, but on my own, I was on a car response car and my boss turned up and said, I'm taking it off the road. I want you to phone our staying well service. And I spoke to this woman over the phone and she was brilliant. I just opened up about everything that was going on.
1 (7m 56s):
And I think it was three days later. They'd put me in touch with a therapist called Kathy and I walked in there. Cynical is anything I was suffering or had always suffered from what's called dissociative identity disorder. So there was three of me inside my head. It's not schizophrenia. It's just what happens when children are abused, that's the way of coping. So I sat in there and this woman taught me down into a very calm state and talk me through this whole process. And the very narcissistic side of me was still at the back of my head going, this is rubbish.
1 (8m 36s):
The other words. And, and I got up, I walked out of that session, stopped in the middle of this car park and suddenly that's constant vitriolic, diatribe of abuse that I was giving myself had gone just, and it was wow. It's like someone had turned a switch of self-loathing and hate off. And my life started that day.
2 (9m 7s):
It really
1 (9m 8s):
It's. I tell people now and again and again, and when people, if we're at work, those that knew me before that event, they'll go, no trust us. Maltin changed, right? He's a different person. And I'm the person I've always wanted to be before. I was very good at upsetting everyone around me and pushing people away. And I think that's intrinsic within abused people. And so getting back to your initial question, I needed to learn how this woman had done that. So I had a year and a half training to become a hypnotherapist.
1 (9m 51s):
I then did more study, and that is what I now teach. It's it's not just hypnosis. It is meditation as well. And that's why I produced the calming and anxiety podcast. It now helps thousands of people a day. I mean, the show runs at five, 6,000 download today, and those are people out there just thinking I need help. And that's, that's why I did it.
2 (10m 18s):
Amazing. How do you think hypnosis and meditation are similar and different
1 (10m 30s):
Meditation and self-hypnosis that they are difficult? I mean, I find them difficult. I can't do it without listening to someone else's guide. I think our brains are so wired for thoughts and excitement and stimuli. I remember my first hypnotherapy session when I was on my course, one of the women on the course hypnotized me into a state of utter, I think Zen, where I only had that moment of one singular thought, no distraction. And I was so aware I was in that moment of space.
1 (11m 10s):
So self-hypnosis and meditation. I, to me, I think are exactly the same, but hypnotherapy and guided hypnosis when you are helped, because you cannot leave that sort of path, which we're being guided on, but the process is exactly the same. It's still you opening the door to your subconscious and making those changes. I 100% agree. Yeah. Yeah.
2 (11m 37s):
Will you talk a little bit more about having someone else guide you? Because this is something a few months ago, I had a meeting at it through a networking event with a chiropractor and he said, I always, he worked with six tables out in the open and he would have six people on these tables and he'd adjust this person and go over to this person. And then this one, then come back to this one. And it was almost like this community environment. And he said, I always have my chiropractor come in and adjust me in front of my clients so they can see that I'm doing the work as well, because what kind of a hypocrite would I be if I told my clients come in and get adjusted every so often. And I never did it myself and this light bulb went on for me, where I thought, you know, I think so often as, as change workers, we think we need to show up having arrived.
2 (12m 26s):
And we there's like this, this fear of letting other people work with us. And that since, since that time I've been so much more open to experiencing hypnosis. And I've learned when someone else is guiding me, it's, it's so much more profound and so much easier than trying to do it in my own head.
1 (12m 45s):
I am. I'm very unsuccessful at trying to do it for myself on my own. Mainly I just fall asleep. I I've got used to listening to my own podcasts at first. I think we're all very uncomfortable when we hear our own voice, but my podcasts, now I can analyze them fairly disparately. I can sit back and go. I need to change that. I need to change the timber there. So if I listen to any I'll record my own session, and that keeps me along that path. But I do like, I have two people who are hypnotherapists, who I trust, and let's not that trust unjust in tune with who they are as friends.
1 (13m 37s):
When I started on this journey, when I went off to learn hypnotherapy my best friend in martial arts, who's also a seventh degree master. It was a light bulb moment for him. He lives at the other end of the country and he thought, yes, I need to do this as well. So we qualified within a week of each other in slightly different styles, but we've hit the ties to each other. And from it's just, yeah, so I trust Phil. Who's an amazing hypnotherapist. And in the even more amazing martial artist, you think I'm focused that guy's super focused.
1 (14m 17s):
He's world champion in TaeKwonDo and just another amazing human being. You, you must connect with him. He's incredible as well.
2 (14m 27s):
I would love to talk to me a little bit more. I have noticed that so many hypnotists also study some form of martial arts. And I wonder if you notice a correlation between the two and why that might be
1 (14m 43s):
Well, I've been doing TaeKwonDo since I was 18, which is an awful long time now. So 38 years I've been doing my martial arts. And I just think it gives you focus. That is one thing I, we touched on this briefly, when we spoke earlier in the week, all my friends who are now masters in TaeKwonDo, they're very focused and mentally strong. And when they set themselves a task, they do it. And I think that lends itself to being hypnotherapists. You become very imperfect with your students and then clients, you learn to get the best out of people regardless of their own skills, because everyone's totally unique.
1 (15m 32s):
And I think is a good hypnotherapists sees that in their client, no one script fits everyone. And I, I do enjoy that challenge when I get someone in and you've relaxed to them and you put them down and you fractionalize them, but we know they're not under. So I then think, right, I'm going to have to basically wing this, but use my empathy with them and I'll then bring them out and talk to them and then do a snap induction when they're not expecting it. So, and that's how martial arts instructors are. You'll get someone in and you'll just intuitively know, how can I get, how can I make this student understand this concept?
1 (16m 19s):
And there's so many different ways to teach one thing, but you've just got to find the way and a good hypnotherapist does that. They can understand that patient in front of them.
2 (16m 30s):
I love that. And I, I had my kids in karate when they were little. So that's like my only exposure is sitting, watching them in karate and learning that I think they were called katas. And what I wonder also, in addition to what you're saying, and I think this kind of lines up with what you're saying, when you're in this martial arts setting, you have to be really attuned to what your opponent partner is doing. And there's this element of what, what I was taught is called calibration, where you're always looking for those trends indicators, you're, you're noticing what's happening. And I think that's one of the key points in doing effective change work is, is noticing how it's going in.
2 (17m 12s):
And so without martial arts there, there's also a form of presence. I think you have to be fully present to really practice efficiently.
1 (17m 22s):
You, you do you, I mean, it's so complex. We could talk for days on this, but I think a successful hypnotherapist also is instinctively intuitive with other people. You know, you could walk into a room. I walk into the crew room in the ambulance station and I kind of know which ones I could hypnotize really well. In fact, one of my crew mates, her previous husband was a doctor and a hypnotherapist. So she's really susceptible. And I was talking, we were in the back of the ambulance, a patient was in chronic pain and I was using just very subtle words to get rid of that pain.
1 (18m 10s):
Now I will never hypnotize a patient at work when I'm a paramedic, because that would be outside the realms of accessibility, but you can still talk in a very persuasive, calm voice. And I looked up and I'd hypnotized my roommate. She was just so receptive to what I was saying and doing. It was fantastic. In fact, when I was doing my training, I was hypnotizing one of the women on the course, two other women were in watching to critique me and I hypnotized all three of them at the same time.
2 (18m 49s):
I love that. Well, I would imagine anyone listening to this show right now, just listening to your cadence and the tone of your voice is very, it's very hypnotic.
1 (18m 59s):
I that's developed over the last year, especially with the podcasts. So I, and another aside I was on the phone recently to my ex-wife. We, we she's my best friend we get on really well. And she had phoned up with a question and a problem, and I started talking to her and I said, right, I think we need to, she goes, don't you use that? Hit my voice on me. So yes, it's, it's a really good skill. I'll try not to hypnotize people up the voice.
2 (19m 35s):
It's okay. Talk to me if you're comfortable doing so, would you speak a little bit more about, you mentioned that you had experienced some childhood abuse and you and I touched on this a little bit on our call where I said so many people come in thinking if they have had this really a rough start, that it's almost like they feel like they're broken and their life has to be hard after that. Will you talk to me a little bit about your experience?
1 (20m 1s):
Okay. So from the age of four onwards, I had a very tricky upbringing. And at the age of 14, I was put into secure psychiatric care place for young people. And I spent six months in there being helped and showing that you could change. And the, the overriding message was, it doesn't matter how bad things were when you leave here, you have a choice and you can choose to wake up in the morning, except that you've had a bumpy start in life and then go out and live, or you can let it define you for the rest of your life.
1 (20m 44s):
And I S I say that to my mental health patients, when I'm a paramedic and the who turned around and say, you have no idea what it's like. And I said, no, I don't have any idea, but this is my background. And this is what I've chosen to do. And it hits home. It really does. I'm really open and honest. I own where I was. I own the mistakes I've made. I don't make excuses for being a difficult person. And I, wasn't an easy person from 17 to 50. I wasn't, I'm making amends for it now.
1 (21m 25s):
And as I broached with you previously, I had an older brother who never accepted that and went through life as a victim all his life, and was very, very awkward and never forgave. And I D you know, you, I think you have to forgive because otherwise you can't move on, but it doesn't have to define you and you can get better and you don't have to let it ruin your life. You get one chance. Another big pivotal moment for me, early 2000, I worked out in Morocco for a while and saw real deprivation, real poverty.
1 (22m 9s):
I mean, this family lived in a silver and I'd never seen anything like that. So the fact that on my last day there, I gave them the profit side made. Cause I'm coming back to the UK, I'm coming back to a national health service, a welfare state heating care, safety, security. They have nothing. Luckily when I landed and got to the airport, my wife appreciated what I'd done. In fact, that's just you. So yeah, I difficult starts so many of us have, but you don't have to let it define you. In fact, you can use it as a badge that I had this, but look where I've ended up
3 (22m 54s):
Now. All right. And
1 (22m 56s):
When I have clients that have had childhood PTSD, they know they're in safe hands with someone who absolutely believes they will change The, like the girl, I briefly mentioned who three or four years ago, I used to go to on a regular basis. She was a heroin addict and an alcoholic. I think in total, we saved her life three times from massive drug overdoses. And then last year I bumped, I saw her on another job. And I said, I recognize you. And she, she then said, yeah, no, I was this.
1 (23m 38s):
I said, well, how on earth did you get clean? And she just turned around and goes, I woke up one morning and said enough, just if she can do it. And that's the lowest of the, you know, anyone who's had any form of addiction, gambling, food, whatever, for an alcoholic heroin addict to go enough with no help. Wow. Just the most, I think the strongest human I've ever come across, I cannot wait to meet her again. I need to interview her if she would agree.
2 (24m 14s):
Yes. Oh, that's amazing. Yeah.
1 (24m 18s):
So we can all do it. We, we really can. It's just not making an excuse and saying, Oh yeah, but I had this happened when I was younger and I know it's hard, you know, and you know, it's hard, but you can, you really can.
2 (24m 32s):
Absolutely. And I would just say to anyone, who's listening, listening to this right now. If you feel like you're the exception to the rule and there's a voice in your head saying, but I'm, but, but this, but this, your self-talk has so much to do with your ability to move forward. So right now I just invite you to ask yourself, what if I can do this? What if I can step outside of my past and create my own future with intention?
1 (24m 57s):
Yeah. That fact, is it in a nutshell learning? Yeah. They just, you need to stop saying I can't, it defines me. I go, what if? And that will just change their entire life.
2 (25m 13s):
Yes. What if it's such a powerful, I was explaining on a group group hypnosis session. I did the other day. I said, we want to go from saying, what if, what if this scary thing happens? What if, what if I mess up? What if and move into a place of what if, what if I could do this and just do an amazing job? What if I could start, start making a difference in people's lives? And it, it just, it changes everything. Your unconscious mind is programmed to answer the questions you ask yourself. So if you ask, why do I always screw up? Why, why do I have this problem in my life? It's going to find all this evidence to support it. And when you say, what if I could, what if I can change?
2 (25m 53s):
What if I can make a turn right now and start moving in a new direction, you're going to find evidence for that as well.
1 (26m 1s):
It, it changes people and, and we speed. Yeah. You ready?
2 (26m 8s):
Martin, can you remember when you took your first hypnosis hypnotherapy client, when you first started doing this help, what that was like?
1 (26m 17s):
Well, how nervous I was, how sweaty my palms were. Yes. And they didn't know they were my first client. And I phoned up my original course tutor and said, right, I've got a client coming around, one word of advice. You said, just act professional. Right. And I thought, yeah, it was that easy. They don't know. Right. And they are paying me to help them. And I've been helping people all my life, you know, it's, it just is the way I am.
1 (26m 57s):
And it was, as soon as they sat down and I had started I'm on a Rome, you know? And again, I didn't script it. I didn't have any notes because I thought, otherwise, they'll, you can, I've done it once where I thought I need to read this script for very delicate client, but I read it and read it beforehand because I know when I'm reading. And I think a patient can tell us as well. Yeah. What was like to look at the rise and fall of the chest. And I also, the timbre of my voice as they exhale, it gets, it really takes that their mind down so deeply.
1 (27m 44s):
But yeah, I still remember the first person and I have the recording of it.
2 (27m 48s):
That's awesome. And this goes back to what we were saying about, you know, in martial arts, how there's that presence that you're just there in the moment. And I think so often when people are first starting, they're doing the, what if and you know, worrying about, you know, what, if I say the wrong thing, what if, what if I don't know what to do in the moment? And, and I think when we're just fully present, and even when we imagine that person transformed and really believe in their ability to rewrite their future, that that comes across.
1 (28m 20s):
Oh, it does. I mean, after a first few sessions and you just see the incredible change, but it's not us, isn't it, it's the client. It's always the client, right. We're weak. And this, this is what gets me about us is hitting the therapists. All right. If we can make people change, but they're changing themselves, surely this should be in the education system. It would empower the entire population to achieve so much more. Yes. Yeah. It's wonderful today, but it's always the client that does the change.
2 (29m 3s):
So when you think about your education, your hypnosis hypnotherapy education, what do you know now that you only could have learned by actually working with clients that you didn't know when you graduated?
1 (29m 19s):
The, the only thing I now know is that I'm really good at doing it. I don't mean that in a real sort of full of pride, narcissistic way, I'm just lucky that I've become a hypnotherapist. It's something I should have done years ago. Cause it's, it takes in all of the skills that I do have and abilities. And the one thing I didn't realize is just how effective I would be or how effective picnic therapy would be. And, you know, I've had clients age from 14 upwards and especially the 14 year old one does sports, right.
1 (30m 10s):
There was nothing wrong. He just wanted to be more focused in his sport, does boxing and he's won everything since, but he now believes in himself, but the other changes is his schoolwork and his presence and the respect that he gets. Because, because he now believes people see that he believes, and his confidence has grown and his parents send him back all the time. I mean, he loves it and it's an honor to him because when he wins the Olympics in 12 years time, I hope he does a shout out guys. This is from my hip.
2 (30m 46s):
Yes, yes. Yeah. Yeah. That is amazing. Yeah. What, what do you think about, you know, the, all the events of your life or who you are as a person has set you up to be in a place where you feel the confidence or the driver, the passion to continue to move forward?
1 (31m 8s):
Who? Oh, I don't. I think it's a combination of the friends that I do have. I have a small circle. I'm not a big social person. I don't do hopes or big social events. Mainly. I've always just done martial arts. And although up until five years ago, I never believed in myself. My close friends always did. They always said, but you've achieved this and this and this. And I forget about the achievements I've done because to me, they're just things that I wanted to try, but I have succeeded at everything I put my mind to because when I left home, my mum said, never accept.
1 (31m 54s):
No. And that's the only rule I took. So I never thought I couldn't do things. So with martial arts, I got to the top of that and I wasn't natural a gifted, I'm just very hard working at it. And in the jobs that I've done, although my favorite job has always been, I was a house husband and I put everything into that. I loved it. And now I'm doing it again. So it's just wonderful. And then in the other sports I did, I, so I took up power lifting because when you get to seventh degree in TaeKwonDo, you can no longer compete.
1 (32m 34s):
And I liked to compete. So I took up a new sport and I'd always been fairly. And I know you saw the photo of me when I was big, but I was really skinny before the other photo you saw. So I took it powerlifting and put everything into that. And when I say everything, I mean, I ate for the first time ever. I could just eat and eat and train. So I went from, I remember when I got married, I was nine and a half stone. And I went up to 15 stone big and not fat, just big. And then two years ago, got the world record for powerlifting for my age and then one, and then won the world championships as well and did nothing with it.
1 (33m 24s):
Everyone goes, where's your medal? Oh, I don't care. I just wanted to know if I could do it. And now I need a new goal. So
2 (33m 31s):
I love that. And I think that intrinsic motivation is so much more powerful than the external, external extrinsic motivation when you're doing it for you, it makes all the difference. And that's something no one can ever take. You know, if that metal gets lost or gets broken, you still have it inside.
1 (33m 48s):
It is a massive transformation of what you can do. And that transformation was done with hypnotherapy. It was in the middle of my training course. So, yeah. Yeah.
2 (34m 1s):
So you touched on the importance of how, how your circle of friends has had a big impact on you. And even in preparation, like in preparation for this interview, I was thinking this morning about how you and I both are, have been really influenced by PatFlynn and have listened to a lot of podcasts. And I've heard it said, I think I originally heard this from Tim Ferriss, which is my favorite podcast saying that you, you become like the five people you spend the most time with. And I heard this years ago and I didn't really have a, a strong friend circle of people to, to nourish me. And so I started listening to those podcasts every time I was in my car, when I was going to work, when I was coming home from work, when I was getting ready in the morning, and that starts to get in your head, you, you really, they start to influence you.
2 (34m 51s):
And it's almost like you're eavesdropping on these conversations. And our unconscious mind doesn't know the difference between something that we are in the middle of and something we're imagining. So I feel like when we're in those podcasts, it's like, we're, these are becoming our circle, our five people. So for anyone who's feeling, you know, maybe you're listening to Martin and thinking, I don't have this background in martial arts. I could never do what he's doing. I really believe when you start to just immerse yourself in those kinds of thought processes and mentalities, it gets in, it gets in there. We've learned everything we do by modeling someone else. If you feel insecure and insignificant it's because someone has taught you to feel that way.
2 (35m 33s):
And you can start to immerse yourself in some positive content. And there's so much out there and it's gonna, it's going to change who you are. It's, you're influenced by what you, what you absorb
1 (35m 45s):
You are. I mean, one of the old phrases was, you know, surround yourself with the people who are the best. So in martial arts, I aspire to be like my friend, Phil, who's been four times. World champion runs the most successful martial arts schools around and is respected in powerlifting. My coach has been world champion willpower, lifter, world record holder. And he's a huge guy. So he trained me. And that's what I do, you know? And I do another martial art with a guy who's just the world's best. And you need to surround yourself with people and will lift you up.
1 (36m 31s):
And that's what I say when I'm a paramedic to people who want to get clean. I said, if you really want to do that, you have to leave those friends behind because they don't want you to move on. You need to surround yourself with a new group that will lift you up, not drag you down. And it's difficult. I know if you're not there now, but for anyone listening in thinking, Oh, that's all right for Laurie to St. Martin say, but we weren't like this. I was down right at the bottom at the age of 21. I moved from abroad back to England and I was homeless. I lived in a tent on a flat roof, above a church.
1 (37m 12s):
I had nowhere to live. I had no money. All right. So when I get people saying, you don't know what it's like being homeless. Yes, I do. I've been there. All right. And I've dragged myself out and know it's not easy, but nothing worth having, which is a value is easy. Right? You need to work for it. And I think once people get over that and think, actually, he's right, but what is work? It's a desire to do something that is a little bit tricky at the moment, but the rewards are phenomenal. So they need to track themselves out and anyone can do it. Absolutely. Anyone
2 (37m 50s):
I, 100% agree. I recently was telling someone that, you know, I have a lot of people come to me and say, I want to do what you're doing, but I don't know where to start, or I don't feel like I'm ready or I don't feel like I'm like, I've done enough self work for myself. And just a side note, self work is an ongoing process, but they said, I, I just want it to be easy. I just want to set this up and have it be easy. And I think, okay, you need to go back to your day job because this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I have given birth to three kids. I've gone through a really painful divorce. I've been homeless as well. And building this business up is by far the hardest thing that I have ever done.
2 (38m 32s):
And I wouldn't trade a second. It is, this is just the most rewarding thing. When one person comes to you and says, you changed my life. I felt this way. And now I'm now I'm in the right place. It's so worth it. And I don't think that it would be as meaningful if it wasn't for the hard work. If we just had it handed to us, we wouldn't appreciate it.
1 (38m 54s):
No, we wouldn't. It's I mean, I'd like to share some of the emails, but I'm sure you get letters like this. And, and when you put that effort that the training to do what we do and, and you think, Oh, I'm going to be a successful hypnotherapist. And then you realize, actually, I've now got to learn business marketing, social networking, and it, the list goes on. I'm working really hard to make the, the show and the calming anxiety brand, something that can stand on its own two feet so that I can put more effort into it and help more people. But it's not easy.
1 (39m 34s):
That passive income thing that everyone puts around, no, it doesn't exist. I think people who earn a very good living from passive income, must've been the hardest working people ever to find out how to generate that, but everyone can do it. They just need to work on it.
2 (39m 53s):
I completely agree. And it does take awhile. So I'm, I'm three years into my business and I have just been working so hard. And I'm just now getting to a place where I'm monetizing and where things are starting to flow in. But it's because I have been working hard. And a lot of that has been getting over that imposter voice in my head that says, Oh, you're never going to be as good as so-and-so. What if I screw up? What if I say the wrong thing, being afraid to put myself out there on social media, making a video and thinking this is ridiculous. And then just hitting send anyway.
1 (40m 30s):
But yeah, but that's it, isn't it. We all have that negative voice and it's not until you've gone past that barrier. You see, when I first met you, I didn't know. You'd only been doing well. I think I saw you about a year ago on Facebook. And to me, you're a voice for authority because you're out there talking about it. And then that, that gives you presence and weight to your experience. But you don't realize that. But I now realize that people see my podcast show and I had a friend who's in Thailand this morning. He said, I looked you up again.
1 (41m 12s):
You're number one, trending at number one. And I'm like, am I, Oh, that's nice. But we don't see it because we still think, you know, you're, you're still little Lori and I'm missile Martin with all my insecurities. And I'm sure all those other people that we've view as our peers have just as many and subsequently anyone who feels that at the bottom, thinking we've got it all night, we're all the same, the same amount of chances. No one handed this to me on a plane and no one handed your success to you that you're building, you've worked for it.
1 (41m 53s):
Right. And I just think, and when people go, Oh, I'm in my thirties and forties. Well, I didn't start him to therapy until I was 51 52. All right. And I now thinking I've got a 30 year career ahead of me again, that's brilliant. Right? I don't have to worry anymore. I don't. I never think I want to retire. And my old father-in-law, he was very successful in business. I mean, he was the father I always wanted, he was, he was liked by everyone. And he was phenomenally gifted at business and he retired at 50 and did nothing. I'm like what?
1 (42m 34s):
I mean? Okay. I say nothing. He had a place in Florida and a place in the South of France and lovely four acres on a lovely forest in Southeast England with a swimming pool and tennis courts and horses, you know, I don't wish to retire. I wish to do this. I wish to empower other people, set them free from whatever's happened and just be happy. I know that might sound really crass or just bland, but happiness is not just a goal. It's a way of being, isn't it? I mean, you always smile, right? Everything about you.
1 (43m 14s):
I, my first videos, my other half said, could you not look so sad? I go, I'm not, I've just got resting sad face because, and then my first videos, everyone said, no, you're not into trucks, but what the hell were you taking when you did that video? All right. So I'll try and find one of my videos and I'm bouncing all over the place right now. Trying just to talk.
2 (43m 41s):
Yeah. It's just about finding that happy medium. This is so awesome. Is there anything you can think else that you would like me to ask you or that you'd like to address that we haven't already talked about?
1 (43m 55s):
No, I just, I mean, my journey has been one of what some people say is sad and traumatic, but I made amends with it. And then let's cut to the chase. My father was the awkward person when I was a child. That is the problem. When he died, he was a career officer in the army and he was in bomb disposal. And it's only after he passed away. But I then found out he was in the eighth army. Does it rats? Fortunately, cause he had me very late on in life.
1 (44m 38s):
And then he went into bomb disposal, which let's face. It has to be the most dangerous job in the world during his career doing that. He lost a few close colleagues and friends. And I view it now that he was suffering from PTSD, very difficult person. And I can forgive that quite happily. So I have no bad feelings towards what happened. And also I was given this chance of life. I really do think life is so, I mean, infinitely, miraculous that we're here and not just that we're here, but that I'm here. The chances of me and you, my thought process.
1 (45m 21s):
And I love this, you know, every day I'm trying to teach my new family, the step kids, mindfulness to stop and look. And as you walk past a Bush, you might see a small flat and just appreciate that flower right there. And then like when you're in the car and you're in a traffic jam and people be so angry and frustrated, look over at the hard shoulder and see a weed growing there. You've maybe a yellow fan thing. That's life. That's just growing. They're completely oblivious to everything else that's going on. And just be mindful right now of this moment that you have every opportunity in life to succeed.
1 (46m 4s):
If you choose to, if you just say, what if that'd be brilliant? So yeah, I that's what I'd like pass on. And that's what I do with my shows. And that's what we see as therapists because we take someone who's obviously struggling and we empower them to change themselves. But as long as we don't tell them that they did all the hard work, otherwise clients would be coming to us and charging us their time. Oh dear I've opened. I've opened a can of worms there. Haven't I,
2 (46m 38s):
Well, I feel the same way. So often people will come to me and tell me, thank you. You changed my life. And I, I do 10. I, I accepted the, the compliment, but at the same time, I do want them to know that this was just, I'm just really good at unlocking that part of you that already knows the things you don't know, you know, and helping you access this and that way, if for any reason I'm ever inaccessible to them, they know that they have that inside them.
1 (47m 9s):
Yeah. That, that is it in a nutshell, although we would like them to come back maybe once a year,
2 (47m 19s):
If we, if we help them stop smoking, then they come in for this next thing. This next thing, mate. Yeah. You know, it's just that what you and I were talking about at the beginning where we like to still continue to see that guide us to unlock our inner resources. We can always be there for those clients on an ongoing basis. In the same way
1 (47m 37s):
I have a client just gets me this one, he came to me to stop smoking. So I saw him, we had a session and then three months later he phoned me up. He said, hi, can I come back for another session? I said, what for let's stop smoking. I said, well not being rude or anything, but I obviously didn't work. He goes, Oh no, you're the best. I've seen so many hypnotherapists. And now I know that I can come to you. You'll stop me. But if I want start again, you'll stop me again. Oh, Okay. That, that makes sense. And he feels really happy about that. So he can go for months on end without smoking. No, that when he many wants one and half one, and then he'll come back and have another session,
2 (48m 21s):
I loved that. It was just like,
1 (48m 23s):
Yeah. If that's what you want, I could put a stop to that as well. And then I'm happy with that. Yeah. So he's happy. I give him one.
2 (48m 31s):
I love that. I think there's such a gift in meeting the client where they are instead of imposing our paradigm on them, allowing them to say, this is my goal and meeting inside of it. And I think so many of us struggle to want to say, well, but I want this for you. And I still like, we're serving them best if we really give them what it is that they're seeking. And a lot of times we'll find things underneath that when those clear up it automatically fixes this problem. But yeah.
1 (48m 57s):
Yeah. I do like those more social construct jobs where people say, I'm not sleeping. You never treat them for the sleep problem. Do you always end up uncovering the reason why they're not sleeping? And I always tell them that I said, this isn't about sleep. We will find out what it's about. And generally on the second session that the light bulb goes on again. Got it. Okay. Fine.
2 (49m 25s):
Yeah.
1 (49m 26s):
So then, then they can go off.
2 (49m 29s):
Yeah. Martin, this has been so awesome. Thank you so much. I love that. You just, just for sharing your gentle voice and your calm with us, I'm I would love to where if I'm going to edit that stumbling part out.
1 (49m 47s):
No, don't because that's you isn't it. And that's why people listen to you because you are natural, right? It's not, we, we, we haven't scripted any of this. We've just talked and people go to you and are attracted to you and your style because you're genuine, you know?
2 (50m 7s):
Well, thank you. Maybe I will, I will leave it in. I, you said something earlier, too, that I just want to touch on really quick. I feel bad saying, okay, we're wrapping it up and then going forward. But you were talking about listening to your recordings back and seeing ways that you can change your ways that you could tweak things. You were talking about making video and realizing you were too flat at first and then maybe too animated later. And I just want to say I've done the same thing where I, the very first video I ever made, I was trying to be really animated. And I thought that I was being enthusiastic and I realized my voice was monotone. My facial X, I looked like a deer in the headlights.
2 (50m 47s):
And so I just, I, I learned and I started modeling people who make video. Well, I would actually watch their video and mirror them as they were speaking in body language and voice tonality. And it changed so much. But I think there's a tremendous value in being able to look at your so-called flaws, for lack of a better word, look at where you are now. And just assess with curiosity and then make some tweaks and changes and do better. But when we beat ourselves up over, over our so-called mistakes, it makes it so much harder to correct them because we get more of what we focus on. And if we're focusing on how we screwed up, it's gonna drive our unconscious mind to present more screw ups for us.
1 (51m 30s):
Well, the fat, and then surely we just want to be ourselves. And, and we are who we are. So now I just do my bits to camera. And if people critique it, so be it. I had my first wonderful negative one-star review on Apple last week. It was so biting. He came back, he said, I think you've missed titled it. You gave me anxiety. And I'm like, I obviously didn't, you obviously either have an ax to grind, but as PatFlynn says, this, person's listened to your product and they've taken time to write a review, but you're happy.
1 (52m 13s):
So I was, I was like, normally the old me would have fixated on that one negative review, as opposed to all the good ones. And now I'm like, Hey, I've got a stalker. He doesn't matter. Yeah,
2 (52m 28s):
It's all we have this meaning-making machine up here. And we can decide what those one star reviews mean. We can decide what a flub on camera means, and we can take it as a learning experience and just move forward.
1 (52m 40s):
Yeah, my day, I mean the emails for the show, I get people saying, Oh, could you make them longer? And then I get people saying, could you make them a lot shorter? And what do you do? You can't please everyone. So this week they're all five minutes and next week they'll all be half an hour. Cause I do like to give, although I have to say today's show that I did supposed to be a five minute one, but it's about 10 minutes. Because as I got to the end of the five minutes, I was recording it last night and the bird song outside my window was phenomenal. So I said, I'm just going to let them Mike record the bird song. So there's a listening Institute. X podcast gets five minutes of evening Birdsong.
2 (53m 22s):
And is that the mic you have there that you used for that? Yeah.
1 (53m 26s):
Yeah. So, yeah,
2 (53m 28s):
Let's just real quick for anyone listening. What, what your mic?
1 (53m 32s):
It's an audio technique. 80, 20, 20. Okay. So yes, it's got a nice soft sound. Very mad. I do like it. And it's going through what's that Xanax, QA two USB board. I'm not in to catch it, but I do like that. Cause it's got flashing lights.
2 (53m 57s):
The flashing lights are nice. Yes.
1 (53m 59s):
Yeah. Yeah. So then that's and that's how I started. I started actually my podcast with a 25 pound USB mic from Amazon. So if anyone's listening, wanted to start, it doesn't matter what you've got just record because it's your voice and your story is people don't listen to podcasts and think, Hmm. I wonder if that said hi Dolby or whatever. They just want to hear what you have to say.
2 (54m 26s):
Yes. Yeah. Deliver value. Yeah. Martin, this has been so amazing. Thank you so much for being here for sharing your gift, for helping to encourage people who may be on the fence about moving forward. I am grateful for you and I hope you enjoy the rest of your day with that beautiful family of yours.
1 (54m 46s):
Yeah, no, I will. When they come back, it's more swimming in the pool. It sounds, it sounds wonderful. It's it's, I'm not rich. We live in a rented house and the pool is one of those above ground things, but it, it was bigger than we thought it was going to be and I can swim in it.
2 (55m 12s):
Yeah. Yeah. And you're enjoying your life and you're happy and you're following your passion and that's, what's really mad.
1 (55m 19s):
I am happy. And for anyone who thinks they can't be, I spent 50 years not being happy. I mean, I, you, we all have moments of happiness, but I knew there was a problem. And when I discovered it and changed it, I then became me and anyone can between me and you. I don't believe there's a person. We couldn't help change the damage that they've had in the past.
0 (55m 50s):
I'm so grateful. You've listened all the way to the end. What is one tiny action step you'll take now based on an aha moment you got during the podcast, maybe that life changing action step is to come accept the gift I have for [email protected]. Head there right now to get your powerful, hypnosis audio, the answer room that lets you make important decisions and get crystal clear about your next step forward on this path of purpose in your one. Great and precious life.
