Barry Koen Butt

Being well rounded is a myth

Barry shares how he helps people strengthen their talents to allow them to let go of what they aren't and lean into what they are.

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0 (0s):
If you were haunted and harassed by your own inner critic, if you've ever been curious about why hypnosis works so well, if you're a seasoned hypnotist, or if you suspect that the inner critic is actually hypnotizing you to hold back from reaching the greatness that you know, deep down is inside you, lean in and get inspired to get out of your comfort zone and create your one precious life with purpose and intention. If you like this show, you'll love my powerful hypnosis audio, the answer room, because it gives you crystal clear guidance and direction and illuminates an ingenious way to make triumphant decisions.

0 (48s):
No matter how stuck you feel or how confused you were. This powerful hypnosis audio is my gift to you. When you go to the imposter again, that's the imposter Don't forget the, the, the imposter And yes, I'm done saying it. Thank you. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart for listening. I'm Lori Hammond and I'm truly grateful for you. Welcome everyone. I am so excited to welcome my friend Barry Cohen, but he and I met a few months ago when he offered to do a strength finders consultation with me.

0 (1m 28s):
And I absolutely fell in love with his process. I really wanted to bring him on today because I think you will get massive value from this conversation and have tons of aha moments. Barry is a Gallup strengths certified coach. He's a certified professional coach trainer keynote speaker vlogger certified clinical hypnotist, and the co-author of an upcoming book that I am so excited about called your talent DNA based in Toronto, Canada, Barry has clients in five countries and three continents. Barry has a gift for helping people uncover their unique strengths so they can build unshakable.

0 (2m 12s):
Self-confidence Barry, thank you so much for being here today.

1 (2m 16s):
Well, thanks for inviting me. I am delighted to be here.

0 (2m 19s):
I, I want everyone to just kind of understand our history. So I did a three-day video challenge a few months back, and you joined in on that and I was actually a little bit intimidated to have you there because I know you have a background in acting, you have this great set up, you understand the camera angles and the lighting, and it was just so cool to watch you emulate excellence with your videos. And then you offered to do a consultation for people who had taken the Clifton Clifton strengths finders. Am I saying that correctly?

1 (2m 52s):
It's it used to be called the StrengthsFinder assessment strength finder 2.0, and then a few years ago they changed the name to the two Clifton strengths assessment. I'll explain that. We'll explain why.

2 (3m 4s):
Okay. Well, I learned so much from that so much about myself and then in the consultation that followed, it was like you unlocked this, this roadmap for me that helped me get so much clarity about my strengths and the reason it's so important to know those. So if you would just tell us a little bit about yourself, what brought you to where you are today and then talk about what, what you love doing the most?

1 (3m 30s):
Well, I have a very Securitas route to where I am today. My, my background is about, but 30 years in advertising corporate communications, public relations. As you may know, I'm a, I'm a, a comment of a serial entrepreneur. I've done a number of different things, not always successful, but I've, I've had the Mo number of network marketing companies. I've, I've had a video production company and I've also even on the limousine business at one time in my life, but it all brought me back to a few years ago when I became a Gallup certified strengths coach. And I had a desire to do more, to add more, more tools in my toolbox.

1 (4m 13s):
So I ended up studying clinical humanism hypnosis, and I was cert went to study that at the university of Toronto. And I also studied after that with Mike Mendell. I know he's your mentor as well. And I've also studied by reading and listening to lots of Freddie Jacqueline. So I'm a big fan of pretty Jacqueline as well as you know. So that's what brought me to there now. It's interesting. I don't think of myself per se, as a hypnotist. I think of myself as a coach consultant. And the reason I say that is because hypnosis is one of the tools I have hypnosis mind, steeping, other things. It's a tool in my toolbox. And I jokingly say, no, no offense to our listeners and viewers who are hypnotists.

1 (4m 57s):
I don't think of myself as fitness because I don't think of myself as a hemorrhage. I think of myself as a carpenter and my hammer is just a tool it's in my toolbox. So if I need it, I'll pull it out. So I have done sessions with people where I've been coaching them on their strengths, and then they've had a block. So I've pulled out and done the mindscape or done a hypnosis session just to help them break through. So it's just another tool that I use. So I'm delighted to have all those things. That's what brings me to where I am today. I will say that I, in my last corporate job a few years ago, I learned how to, I learned about the Clifton strengths assessment. And I brought it to my workplace and put about 50 people through the some sessions I was self-taught essentially at that time.

1 (5m 39s):
And they saw the value to the organization and sent me to be certified by Gallop, which is a very, very costly investment on their part. But I was happy. They did it. And I jokingly said to people that my certification training, this is my company's, my, my company's retirement gift to me. And I ha little did I know that eight months later they were going to restructure my department and my job was going to disappear. And so it was actually very, I didn't left this part out. What was actually interesting is when I left that job, they, as part of part of the outplacement, they gave him the pay me for a little while and benefits and things. They also offered retraining.

1 (6m 20s):
I didn't really need it, but I took the opportunity to say, you know, in my head, I'm thinking I always wanted to learn hypnosis. And I convinced them. I don't, I can't tell you how to pay for my training to be certified as part of my old placement. So that's where all this came together and that's how I have all the tools I have today.

2 (6m 39s):
I love that. That is so fascinating. When you first learned the Clifton strengths, did you realize right away how valuable it was or when did you have that aha moment that let you know just how awesome this tool is?

1 (6m 55s):
The first session I had, the very first session I had in fact, how I learned that was that my church, I was, I was leading a couple of different ministries and we were invited by our pastor to, to, to be trained in this as, just as, as some sample training, they were trying out in the church and right away, we went for a whole day of a workshop, they workshop. And at the end of the workshop, I said to my wife, Elizabeth, I said, this is amazing for work. I can, I'm gonna take this to the work. We'll do a secular version for work. And that's what I did. And it was purely from that session that it, that I, that I discovered the value of it. And we saw the instant returns at work. We saw more engagement.

1 (7m 37s):
We saw more levels of trust between people. We saw the drama, the temperature and drama reduced in the office. When people saw, when they saw people, saw their own strengths, their own, their own innate talents. We'll call them now, explain why it's called talents in a minute. When they discovered what they were, they saw their own value. And when people have to see their own value, they tend to look for the value in others and they start. And they also realize is, as you know, Lori, is that, is it when you discover what your talents are, you also discover what it is that you maybe don't have, which is also good and also important to know. And when you know what you don't have, you tend to start looking for people that haven't, you don't have to, to, to sort of complete that circle.

1 (8m 23s):
And you can be sort of more complete. I'll go on to say, and you've heard me say this before is a myth of, there is a myth out there that we are well-rounded and we should be well-rounded people, which isn't to say, we shouldn't try everything we want to try. And, and, and we're passionate about, but real successful elude us if we don't have a natural talent for it. So the idea is that once we know that we don't have to be well-rounded that we are more like stars and that our talents are like the points of the star. And, and that's what makes us shine. I hate it sounds corny, but it's true.

1 (9m 4s):
And that when we work with other people, we can, we complete that circle and we make powerful. And, and well-rounded pairs and well-rounded work teams and well-rounded families and well-rounded organizations, well-rounded associations. And that's how we find that well-rounded notion, but not within individuals.

2 (9m 24s):
That's one of the coolest things that I got from you. I loved the way that you, you helped me step out of the idea of, of thinking like I needed to fix all of my weaknesses. For example, I'm not an incredible organizer. And so what I've done is start to find people in my life who can help me in that department. And a lot of it was based on some things you shared with me, Barry, will you tell everyone the story about how so? What, what I have in my notes is how weakness fixing prevents failure, but strengths building leads to success. And I specifically think about you telling the story about Rudy, the football player.

2 (10m 5s):
So I wonder if you could share that.

1 (10m 7s):
Yeah, for sure. So for those who don't know, and the spoiler alert, if you're going to watch the movie, Rudy pause fast forward, about 30 seconds to a minute. So the movie Rudy is about a guy named Daniel. Ruediger known affect me as Rudy. Rudy was a guy who really wanted to play football very badly and especially he wanted to play for Notre Dame. But the reality was for Rudy. Rudy was about, he was about five foot eight, and about 165 pounds, not your real linebacker kind of guy, but through a number of different, his desire and his and his drive. He, he found himself in the school and he, he, he got on the practice roster of the football team and he got knocked around by all the big guys and, and, and, but he kept sticking with, and he stuck with it.

1 (10m 60s):
And as he persevered and he earned the respect of his teammates and in the final play, or the final game of the, actually the final two plays of the game and the final game of the year, the players convinced the coach to put Rudy and as a reward for being such a big heart. And they put him in and he was there for two snaps of the ball. And the second snappy, he, he sacked the quarterback and they carried him off the field on their shoulders, chanting Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, hugely inspiring story. Of course, which why it was a very popular film. Here's the truth about Rudy Rudy, because he didn't have a natural talent.

1 (11m 41s):
I'll say talents in air quotes for football. He only ever played in two plays and his entire career in one game. He never played another game again.

3 (11m 54s):

1 (11m 55s):
Let's flip that movie script for a second. Let's say that Rudy maybe had this, this ideas of, of positivity and perseverance and hard work and all those kinds of things. But what if he also had a talent and natural talent for inspiring others talent that he could, he could leverage into leadership? What if, instead of putting all his effort into becoming a great football player, he put all his effort to becoming a great leader and a great football coach. Then he might've been a hall of fame coach. So this is the idea of, of you. You take what you naturally have and you apply. If you think your natural talents, which is your natural way of thinking, feeling, and behaving, and you apply to that, your skill, knowledge, experience, and desire for something, and those will help you grow exponentially in the areas that you're already talented.

1 (12m 51s):
So give me another example. It's true. Like weakness fixing will thickness weakness. Fixing will diminish with some training, but strength building will help you grow exponentially.

3 (13m 6s):
So desire

1 (13m 8s):
And desire isn't enough. We were taught for a long time or for most of our lives that if you want something bad enough, you can have it. And it is true, but let's, let's imagine people who were on American idol. We see them all the time, the ones that I want it so bad, I want to be a singer still bad, but they don't have a talent for it. And they could train and they could train, but the best will ever become as maybe a really good karaoke singer. I have a very close friend of ours who is an amazing, amazing professional singer if she had a natural talent to be a singer, but never trained would only ever have been potential, but you couldn't take somebody without potential and give them training and make them a singer.

3 (13m 50s):

1 (13m 53s):
So I, I, that, I don't say it to be discouraging to people. I'd rather say it to encourage people rather to find out what they're naturally good at and focus their attention on that. Let me give an example. There was a, there was a, a survey that was done, just trying to find I have my notes because I want to make sure I get this all right. It was a survey that was done by Gallup in 2001. And they said to people, that's a very simple question. They, they said to them, which do you think will help you be most successful in life, building on your strengths or fixing your weaknesses In 2001 41% of people in the U S would bet their career, their success, their satisfaction, their contribution on leveraging their strengths.

1 (14m 50s):
Well, 59 would focus on their weakness in Canada. It was 38%, 38% in the UK and dropped down to 24% in Japan and China, meaning that 76% of people thought to be success. Like the focus on their weaknesses. They did that study that study again, or that survey again, 10 years later to see how the numbers would change. And in spite of all these things, changing HR systems, training advances in, in personal development, they asked the same question. The results came back. 41% in the us would focus on their strengths.

1 (15m 29s):
38% in Canada, 30% of the UK in 24 in China and Japan. So we live, we've grown up in this rich remedial world, this idea that we have to fix ourselves, there's something wrong with us. In fact, it was another study they did where they went to parents and they said, he said, what if your child came home from school? And the report card said, let's say, for example, they have an a in English, they got a B plus in geography. They got aim minus in history and they got a C plus in mathematics. What are you going to focus on? 70% of parents said, well, I'd focus on the math cause they're not good at it.

1 (16m 14s):
But imagine if instead of that, cause what's the reality is if there's all of the factors out the window, like the proper teaching and all that kind of stuff, if the child just doesn't have, it has not have an aptitude for math. They're all going to do is make the moderately better. But imagine it took that same energy, that same focus and put it into the English as the, the history, the geography they're gonna get exponentially better at that because that's what they're naturally good at already.

2 (16m 46s):
Barry, what advice would you give a parent with a child, maybe elementary age or middle school, high school. I know that these are all called different things in different parts of the world, but you're a dad. If you were a dad and you saw your child struggling in math, and you knew that that school system has, you know, gives people stars based on those grades. And you knew that that's not what really matters when it comes, you know, long-term, how would you tell a parent to deal with that? Or what action steps could they take to mitigate that child? Feeling like a failure?

1 (17m 24s):
It's a great question. And so what I do, and I didn't do it before, as you know, I'm a parent and step-parent to a lot of kids, we say the number, the number 12. So I'm with parents different than 12 kids and four, four granddaughters. So they, then they arranged my kids range in age from 12 to 38. So I got a big range of kids. So, you know, the older ones, the older ones didn't get the benefit of my current knowledge, but the younger ones did. And so what I say to my daughter who is had, does have things she's good at and when she's not so great at, and even another example about that in a second, she, when I, when I say to her is I don't care what the market's Matt Mark, doesn't matter to me.

1 (18m 7s):
What matters to me is the effort you put into it. So if you put an N, if you put the proper effort in, and I see you're trying, that's, that's what I'm going to reward you for the effort. But what I want to do is I need, I needed to know, and this is the big message for everyone. There are things you need to be competent in. So I would say get them to the point of competence, but let go of the fact of trying to get them to excellence. So an example is I had a very long career in the corporate world. And at one point I was managing multi-million dollar budgets. Numbers is not my thing. In fact, I was never going to be an accountant or an actuary, but I had to become competent enough to manage these multi-million dollar budgets.

1 (18m 53s):
But I was able to let go of the fact that I knew I'd never going to be that mathematician or that accountant and say, okay, I'm as long as I'm competent, then I'm done. I'm okay. Because I'm really good at other things. Right. So, and, and so, yes,

2 (19m 11s):
I love that. Thank you. I'm putting you on the spot here so you can tell me no. Or if you want to take a moment to find it when, when you and I were working together, as we still are, you read a story about the rabbit. Do you have that story handy or would you, would you be willing to read that? Because I just think it's such a beautiful metaphor for I, so as you're looking through the room, okay. I'll, I'll tell everyone real quick. As you're looking for that, I homeschooled my kids until my oldest daughter went into high school. And so I've done a tremendous, this is totally off the topic of imposter syndrome and hypnosis, but it's, I've done a lot of looking into how to help people thrive in the education system and, and the purpose, the reason our education system exists.

2 (20m 2s):
And some of those reasons are no longer in place. You know, a lot of, a lot of our education system was founded on the idea of getting people ready for assembly line work. And now we need to teach kids how to think in a different way. So when you read this metaphor to me, it really resonated with me in, in helping a person be open to looking at new ways of thinking about education. And what's really important as kids are going through school. So do you have that pulled up?

1 (20m 29s):
I have it pulled up. This is actually, this is actually a, an adaption of a, of a, of a story that was written by Donald Clifton, the guy who they named the Clifton strengths after. And he, it was from the, a book he wrote called soar with your strengths. And this is called the let the rabbits run. So imagine there's a meadow. And in that meadow is a school for the animals that live there, ducks, fish, Eagles, owl, squirrels, and rabbits, of course, the grownup animals, one of the best for their children. So they created a school with a curriculum they believe would make well-rounded animals with running swimming, tree climbing, jumping and flying on the first day of school, little rabbit combed his ears.

1 (21m 11s):
And he went off hopping very excitedly and confident about how much fun school was going to be. Things started off wonderfully. The first class of the day was running class there. He was a star. He ran to the top of the Hill and back as fast as he could go. And, Oh, did it feel good? And it was easy. Teachers said, well, rabbit, you really have a talent for running. You have a great muscles in your rear legs. And with some training, you'll even get more out of every hop. Well rabbit said to himself, I love school. I get to do what I like to do and get to learn to do it even better. And in tree climbing class, the trunk was set at a 30 degree angle. So all the animals had a chance, but even with that, it was still really hard. And a little rabbit tried so hard that he heard his leg.

1 (21m 52s):
Well, next in jumping class rabbit got along just fine. But as you can imagine in flying class, he had a problem. So the teacher is seeing, he was having trouble decided rabbit belonged in remedial flying and remedial flying class rabbit was told he had to practice by jumping off a cliff. They told him if he just worked hard enough, he could succeed. Well, rabbit suddenly had a tummy ache. And so he was excused well for today. Anyway, the next morning, unbenounced to rabbit, there was swimming. Class teacher said today, we jump in the water, wait, what rabbit said? We don't like to swim rabbits. Don't like to swim said, rabbit teacher said, don't worry rabbit. You may not make it now. But five years from now you'll know it was a good thing for you.

1 (22m 37s):
Well, he said, well, grab a sunlit to get wet. I want to drop this course. Teacher said you can't drop it. The drop-in that period's over. So at this point you have a choice. Either you jump in or I have to fail. You seeing you had no real option. Rabbit jumped in. Well, of course he panicked. He went down once and he went down twice. Teachers saw he was in trouble and he quickly pulled him out. Well, the other animals never seen anything quite as funny as this wet rabbit who looked more like a rat without a tail. And so they chirped and they jumped in the bark and they laughed at rabbit. He was more humiliated than you ever been in his whole life. And you want to desperately just to go home. So he was quite glad when the day was finally over, off, he went sure that his parents would understand and help him. And when he arrived, he said to his parents, I don't really like school.

1 (23m 18s):
I just want to be free. Well, they said, if the rabbits are going to get ahead, they have to get a diploma replied. They replied seeing he was upset, but still wanting to do the right thing. And rabbits said, I don't want a diploma. And the parents said, well, we're sorry, little rabbit. You're going to get a diploma. Whether you want one or not, it's for your own good. Well, they argued some more. And finally his parents flew rabbit to go and get ready for bed. The next morning, rabbit headed off to school this time with a slow hop. Then you remember that the school principal had said, anytime you had a problem to remember the school counselors door's always open. So when he arrived at school, he went straight to the counselor's office, popped in the chair by the counselor and said, I don't like school.

1 (24m 0s):
And the counselor said, Hmm, tell me about that. And rabid did. And the counselor said, rabbit, I hear you. I hear you saying you don't like school because you don't like swimming. You're not very good at it. Is that right? And rabbits slowly nodded, he said, okay, rabbit. I know just what you need to do since you're doing so fine and running class, I don't think you need to work on running. You need to work on swimming all arrangers, so you don't have to run anymore. You can have two classes of swimming instead. Well, when Robert heard that he almost fainted, well, then rabbit hopped out of the counselor's office, feeling pretty defeated with his head hanging down. And this just any ran into the school guidance counselor wise, wise, Mr. Album.

1 (24m 40s):
And he poured out his heart. Well, Mr. Owl listened carefully and he cocked his head and he said, you know, rabbit life doesn't have to be this way. We could have schools and businesses and churches where people are allowed and even encouraged to concentrate on what they naturally do. Well, that way they'll get even better at it because that's who they were meant to be. We'll wrap. It was inspired. He thought when he graduated, he'd find out where the rabbits could do nothing, but run like the wind, the squirrels would put the story up trees. The Eagles would sort of the highest Heights and the fish was swim deep and far. And as he disappeared into the meadow, he softly side to himself and he said, Oh, what a heavenly place?

1 (25m 21s):
That will be,

2 (25m 24s):
Thank you, Barry. I love that story so much. You have such a gift for, for storytelling.

1 (25m 32s):
Well, all credit to Don Clifton, but it's, it's, it is a great story and a great metaphor for, for what it is like for a lot of people. You know? And, and I think there's, there's a, is a, is a fellow who, who is a co-author of one of the original books with Don Clifton, as Ms. As Marcus Buckingham, I'm a fan of Buckingham. And he had something he said to, it was, it was really good. I'm going to get, I wrote it down cause I always mess it up. But he said, he said this. He said, you know, we live in a remedial world where we focus on our weaknesses and we take our strengths for granted.

1 (26m 15s):
He said, we've been told if we want to get good, we should study bad and invert it, but that's just plain wrong. When you study bad and invert it, you don't get good. You get not bad. And that's a whole lot different than good or great.

2 (26m 34s):
And this, this reminds me of what so many people who are listening that are hypnotists are aware of, which is when we can get our client to stop talking about what they don't want and start focusing on what they want to have instead. That's where all the transformation transformation comes into play. And I think it's so true in this context. And I know just in working with you and you, because I ha I, I tend to be a little bit on the perfectionistic side and wanting to fix all of the things that are not perfect with me. And when you helped me start focusing on what I'm naturally talented add, I think that's the word you use his talents. It gave me such a sense. It helped me step into a new sense of confidence and realizing that I don't have to be good at all of it.

2 (27m 19s):
It's okay to let some things go and find other people who can compliment those. Can you talk a little bit about some of the success stories you've seen or maybe even the successes you've seen in your own life by helping people discover and then strengthen their talents?

1 (27m 36s):
Sure. A favorite story of mine, and it's sort of sad and sweet, sweet and sad, but, but, but the sweet comes at the end. I was working with, with a group of people in Montreal. I was doing some workshops there and there was an, an elderly woman who was part of the group. And the assessment is Clifton strength. Assessment is non-line assessment tool. So she was struggling to get online and it's not really good with computers. And so I got on the phone with her and I was walking her through it. And she said to me, as I'm walking her through it, she said, what's this for again? And I said, it's to discover your talents.

1 (28m 17s):
And she said, I have talents. She was probably in her mid seventies. And I thought, did she grow up and spend her whole life thinking she had no talent? And so we went and did a, did a three hour introductory workshop. And she came up on the break and she was bouncing off the walls. And she said, you know what? I said, what? She goes, I have talents. And I said, you do. And she started talking about them. And she started realizing that she had taken them for granted. Right. And she said, you know, I'm really, I'm really, really positive person. It's one of the, one of the, the 34 talent themes that the, the assessment uncovers.

1 (29m 2s):
And we'll talk about that in a second. But positivity was near the top. She said, I'm really good at keeping people enthused. And, and you know, when I'm in a meeting or with my family and my friends, I, I boost them up and keep them encouraged. And I said, it's a talent and not everybody has it. Now I can appreciate that because I have it. My number one talent team is positivity. And I, and I always say that I can't look, I can't look at this glass and say, it's half empty. I can only see it as half full. It's just the way my, my brain is wired to look at it. So it's important to understand this is how we are wired, what our talents are, which our talents is the, is the term that the Gallup uses or, or Don Clifton used to describe these positive personality attributes that we all have.

1 (29m 52s):
I should tell you that, that this didn't get pulled into thin air either. I should describe where this actually came from. So Don Clifton, when he came out of the second world war, he saw some pretty horrific things obviously. And he decided he really wanted to focus on what's positive in the world. And he knew that, that in fact, he, he started off with a, with a famous quote of his, he said, what will happen when we think about what's right with people, rather than focusing on what's wrong with them. And so he spent a couple of years and he went in and interviewed 2 million people in 25 countries around the world to find out what it was that they had, that were these positive personality attributes that create a success in your life.

1 (30m 35s):
And by the way, going to come back to some more success stories. And second, can we, myself distracted by the whole idea. He came back and he cataloged thousands, literally thousands of these personality attributes. And after sitting with his research team, they, they kind of boil it down to, I think, a core 180, because the others were sort of synonymous or not statistically relevant, who about 180 of these pod positive personality attributes. And then he decided that, that he w then they took them in group them again into 34 themes of talent. These were, these were attributes that were very similar.

1 (31m 18s):
So for example, let's say a talent attribute or an attribute was you're really good at explaining things in a simple way that people complex things in simple way. Another talent might be you're really good at you're really good speaker or a good storyteller, or you're a good writer. These are all different aspects of communication. So they group them up into these communication themes or communication talents and put them in this theme of communication. So it was actually 34 of these themes of talent that these 180, the discrete attributes fall under. Now, he called them talents because, and this is, this is, this is this where it came from this that people can pick and choose what their, what their, or their faith traditions are.

1 (32m 1s):
But if people who, who have a Christian persuasion may remember the parable of the talents, where, where a, a slave owner gave us slaves, not the typical slave owner were thinking of, but th th they gave this, they give the slaves a talent, which was the unit of measure of silver at the time, and said, here, take this and, and, and do something with it. And one went out and invested it and came back in and it grew tenfold. Another one came back and he did something else with it and increase it a bit. And the third buried it in the sand, because it was free to losing it. And the whole idea was that that the Clifton was inspired by that idea.

1 (32m 42s):
And so he chose to call these attributes talents based on that reason. So we still call them talents today, but you'll hear them talk called strengths. Cause it was called strengths. Finders assessment was called strength finder because talent is the raw material. Talent is what you're you're with, which you're born with or developed over time, but mostly born with frankly, by the time you're an adolescent, you're pretty much who you are. But as I said earlier on they're only raw material. They're only your, your, your wiring until you apply training skill, knowledge, experience, and desire to them, they'll stay that raw material not become strength.

1 (33m 24s):
So strength is the goal. Take your raw material, who you are and make it applicable, which is a strength. So to come back to your original question, before I got on that diversion, there's somebody we know. Well, I don't, I'm sure he wouldn't mind me mentioning his name. Joey might be watching this at some point. I've worked with Joey lovely joy, joyful wonderful man. And when I asked Joey, what, what was, what he enjoyed about learning his talents is what we talked about earlier on. And he said, he loved the idea that this allowed him to let go of what he wasn't and, and to lean into who he was.

1 (34m 8s):
And for a lot of people, there's an affirmation that happens when you realize who you are and you embrace it. So for me, personally, I can tell you that it was no surprise to me that when, when, when positivity as a talent theme came up as my number one, I think anybody knows me would probably tell you that if they didn't, if you gave him a list of the 34 and said, pick the ones, number one for him, they'd probably say positivity, but they'd probably also say they wouldn't be surprised to see that consistency is my number 34.

1 (34m 54s):
No consistency doesn't necessarily mean that I'm not consistent. It just means that I'm, I, I get bored easy. I like to have new things going on. I like new things. And so this is also important that when you discover your talents, that you also know that these talents are neutral. They're, they're, they're not positive or negative in the, in themselves. It's only how you use them. That makes them positive or negative. So in my case, there's nothing plus or positive or negative about, about consistency, whether I'm consistent, not consistent, but if it got in my way, then it becomes a problem.

1 (35m 35s):
And so it me be aware of not following the newest, shiny object. It need to be aware that that's my consistent, my low consistency talent. That's been pushed and pushed up a little bit. And I got to say, okay, I need to do something with what I have to, to counteract that. So we've talking a lot here. I'm not getting too complex here, but what I wanted to say is that when people do an assessment, and by the way, I will say, I will say, in fairness, Clifton strength, isn't the only assessment you can do. And I've worked with people with a lot of different assessment tools and, and I'm open to other ones because people often do these things online and then they put them in their drawer and they go, Oh, let's just really cool and put in their drawer and never see it again.

1 (36m 19s):
Right. So you've got to take what you've, what you've given and use it, but the Clifton strength assessment tool, when you do it, it, it gives you the, your, your talents in the order that they appear in, in terms of intensity for you. So everybody pretty much has all 34, but the highest intensity is where it starts at the top. And truthfully you get to 34 and it's probably very, very minute what you have. So I don't know if you remember this story, Lori, but because gallops a research organization and Gallup is the organization that manages the, the, the assessment and all the research around it.

1 (37m 4s):
They've done more than 25 million assessments around the world, over 200 countries. And they keep all that data in an aggregate aggregate form, meaning no names attached and they can slice and dice that information so they can slice it by country, by gender, by age. And I can tell you that typically for women, the least occurring talent theme of the 34 is a talent theme called self-assurance. Now as a, as I said, as, as the, as the father and stepfather of seven daughters and four granddaughters that troubles me.

1 (37m 47s):
Right. But it also tells me that there's some nature nurture going on at the same time, as it's not all about nature. And people kind of, you know, grown when they hear that. And then I tell them for men, what's, she's the lowest for men and which is discipline. And then all the women laugh, but it's this, it's the reality. It's also fascinating to me. And maybe to people watching is that the most common or not common, the most frequently seen talent theme around the world in the database of 25 million, isn't a talent thing called achiever and achievers, a talent team that, that, that is associated with being driven, you know, lots of energy to get stuff done.

1 (38m 35s):
I think you have that, don't you, I mean, your top five, which is your kind of dominant, but it's number one in most of the Western countries. If I go to Japan, the most common or most frequently seen talent theme is harmony. There's some cultural elements to this as well. Where if I go to, to Russia, let's say, I believe the most common or most typically seen theme is relator, which is that idea of wanting to know people well and deeply, which you also have, as I recall.

2 (39m 14s):
Yes, I do. That's my, this, I believe.

1 (39m 18s):
So. Let's talk about this for a second, because I'm going to ask you a question as we're recording this, you've gone through, through a challenging time with your, with your, with your apartment and the, and the excess water. And well, you don't have positivity in your top five. You've got futuristic as your number one talent theme. I raised that because sometimes talent themes can mimic each other. The fact that you have futuristic allows you to, as your brain is wired to look to the future, right.

1 (39m 60s):
Of what can be yes. Of what it will be, right. It's about potential. And so you can see how it mimics the, the, the sense of positivity or optimism is you can say, okay, here's where I am now, but I know where it's going to be. We find that to be true.

2 (40m 17s):
Absolutely. And I think that's what has got me past so many hard times. And I have insisted even since early childhood and, and not having a super pleasant childhood, I insist on believing that in the future, things can, and very likely will get better. And for me going through this, so anyone who might not know what Barry is talking about, my apartment was flooded and everything in my apartment was destroyed. And we found ourselves homeless for a few days. And then fortunately, we're, we are apartment complex, moved us to the fourth floor. We're a dry and safe and furniture less. But one thing that has really helped me through this very has been imagining going forward a year and looking back and realizing that this paved the way for new things.

2 (41m 9s):
And I tell people, I want people really to understand, I don't think a higher power or a lower power did this to me. I don't think it's a test. I think sometimes we live in a chaotic world and crazy stuff happens. But I think that I have the ability to look at this and to choose my own adventure moving forward, and to choose to find the beauty in it and to allow it to be a new start. And I do think that that is from that futuristic. Like I always want to look ahead and know that it can get better.

1 (41m 41s):
True. It's true. And so it's that, it's the, the, one of the really important things is, is the idea of self-awareness. And I think that that's a lot of us often take ourselves for granted. We, we, we get, especially people in the, in the field that we're, that we're in the, the people that w people in people listening. I'm sure most of you are in the world of helping others. And we tend to focus on others, but self-awareness is really, really key. And the reason I say that is because what's interesting about the notion that, that it's, that it's, it's so important is that Harvard business review did a study talking about the importance of self-awareness.

1 (42m 26s):
And what they found was that only 10 to 15% of people actually are self-aware.

2 (42m 32s):

1 (42m 35s):
And I'm going to paraphrase a guy named Peter Drucker for those who are older folks who remember Peter Drucker was the, is a management guru, wrote a book called the effective executive back in the seventies and, or even the sixties. And it was it's as relevant today as it was 60 years ago. And people still quote him. And he said, he said that that people, he said, everyone has a unique set of, of, of talents or attributes. And he said, and you know what, I'm gonna get this wrong. I'm gonna get this wrong. Hang on. He said, basically we say, we all have these.

1 (43m 20s):
And he said, he said, and people, but he said, most people don't know what they are, and yet we can only perform from strength. So it's, it's this way of self-awareness is really important. You know, another point that I wanted to, to, to make Laurie is that is, and you know, this is, this is a real passion of mine. And what drew me to this a lot was the sense that, of how unique we all really are. And, you know, kids are, are sort of this, this past generation of kids have been told they're special. And I think for many of these kids, they misinterpreted that sense of special as being better than, than somebody else.

1 (44m 3s):
And I think w when, when I talk about special, it's really about the idea that, that uniqueness and we are unique. And I, as I'm very fond of saying to people, and I start most of my workshops by saying, this is that I can prove to you mathematically and statistically, that there is no one who has ever lived, who is currently alive or ever will live exactly like you. Now, that's not a bumper sticker. It's, it's, it's real. And it's true. And I'll explain that to too, if we just use the, the, the equipment strengths, as an example for statistics and mathematics, I told you there's 34 different talent themes.

1 (44m 51s):
And in a rank order for each person, does the assessment remember is 25 million assessments done around the world? The odds of having the same top five out of 34 in any order, the odds of having the same as someone else in any order is one in 273,000. Hang on the odds of having the same, just the top five out of 34 of the same, top five as somebody else in the exact same order is one in 33 million.

3 (45m 25s):
Oh, wow.

1 (45m 28s):
So we're starting top five.

3 (45m 31s):

1 (45m 33s):
So people get your pencils out because I'm going to give you a number. There are a national geographic says there is 300 billion stars in the Milky way. Galaxy 300 billion stars. I get the, I get this in front of me. It is three, fix nine, 10, 11 zeros in 300 billion, 11 zeros. The odds of having the same 34 talent themes as somebody else in the same order is one in 10 to the power of 34.

1 (46m 13s):
So 34 zeros. So three times the number of stars in the Milky way, galaxy is the odds of having the same 34 as somebody else or being the same as somebody else. So when I say you are unique, I can prove it to you. And it's so true. Not only that I'm going further and say this, let's just say, let's say you did, let's say out of the odds of one and 33 million, you're the same top five with somebody else in the same order, meaning, you know, in the same intensity. And let's see, I gave you five ingredients for a soup. And I said, okay, put these in. And the most is the first one, the second most is the second one and do it that way.

3 (46m 54s):

1 (46m 57s):
Because we each have different amounts of that. Even in the same order, you're gonna have a totally different flavored soup. And the important point is that, what, what makes you uniquely you is the combination of those talents. It's the combination of how they, how they're put together and what level of intensity that makes you specifically you now I've worked with over 300 people, and I can tell you that the closest I've ever seen he is, is four to five in a random order. That's the most, that's the coolest I've ever seen a 300 people.

2 (47m 35s):

1 (47m 37s):
So it's, there's actually a fellow I know in the UK who has a, a website that he created called called strengths twins. And if people are interested who have done the assessment, they, they put their, their top five and give it to him. And he puts in a database. And every once in a while, he, you know, he, he checks on it. And so, again, it's probably statistics, but I think he's found, I think, six or eight combinations of people in the past number of years that had the same, but we're talking five only. And did this belabor the point, remember talking about 34, these are, remember these were talent themes.

1 (48m 17s):
I mentioned earlier on these are there's, there's discrete towns under those, those, those categories or themes of talent. So we're talking about 180 or more discrete talents in a combination. So he came in, the math is like astronomical. I came in, we can't even imagine the numbers

2 (48m 35s):
When I think about everything you're saying. And then I think about the story of the rabbit. And I, I think about this imposter monster that tends to really drive us, to compare ourselves to one another. And I know I still play this game all the time. I'll see somebody, you know, I mentioned at the start of this interview that I've, I've seen your videos. And I think, Oh my goodness, why am I even making videos? Barry is so good at this. Or, you know, I see different people who have these different flavors in these different styles and ways of doing things. And I think one of the things that plays on our emotions so much is this idea that we're supposed to be like someone else. So we're supposed to do it the way they're doing it. And so I love the way this gives a person or freedom to step into their individualized individuality and walk away from the comparison game

1 (49m 25s):
A hundred percent. And it's it's because there is no one like you and no one can do what you can do. You know, I often save this till the end of conversations, but I'm going to share it now because I think it's such a beautiful quote. There's a gentleman by the name of Dr. Benjamin Mays, Dr. Benjamin Mays was a American Baptist minister and a civil rights leader. He's credited with laying the intellectual foundations of the civil rights movement. And he was a mentor to Martin Luther King. And he had a beautiful quote that I, that I just love. And he said, every man and woman is born into this world to do something unique and something distinctive. And if he or she does not do it, it will never be done.

2 (50m 10s):
I want everyone who's listening to this right now to listen. Will you say that again, Barry? And if you're listening, close your eyes and take this in

1 (50m 19s):
Every man and woman is born into the world to do something unique and something distinctive. And if he or she does not do it will never be done.

2 (50m 34s):
That's amazing. I just had a conversation with someone this morning, who I felt that so strongly, and I know so many people listening, who they have this seed planted inside and they know there's something they want to do. And, and I can see plain as day that they're meant to do it. It's like, they're put on the earth to do this, but they're so afraid. And I feel that they're doing such a disservice to the world by not going out there and doing it, even if they're afraid, even if they don't feel they're ready.

1 (51m 6s):
It's so true. And, and I know most of the people who are watching us are in helping others, that that's what they've chosen to do, or they want to do, or they're hoping to do how you do it, even though there's a number of, of hypnotists or therapists or coaches out there, or anyone else who does what you do, they don't do it just like you. It's that unique combination of those positive personality attributes that we'll call your secret sauce. That's your secret sauce of success. And no one will be the same hypnotist or therapist or coach or, or, or, or, or teacher or whatever it is that you choose to do.

1 (51m 47s):
Like you, you are unique and distinctive. And when you find out what that is, as I said, and you lean into that, you can help him be successful. And I say to my kids, I'm not sure they all listen. But I used to say to the kids, when you're trying to figure out what they wanted to do for a career. And I would say, after a few missteps on my own, I said to them, do what you love. And the money will follow. If you do what you love, then you'll be good at it. And when you're good at something people pay for when you're good at it. And so you can be good at anything. If you, this is the other key thing, a key point here, I want to make these talents don't necessarily describe professions or jobs.

1 (52m 39s):
You can be equally successful, whatever you choose to do in terms of a vocation or profession. If you be you, if you, if you be authentically, you, you will be successful. Because if you, if you be you, you will do what you naturally do well, and life will be easier. You won't be swimming upstream. If you try and be somebody you're not or something you're not, or try and try and lean try and develop attributes that you don't have, life is difficult. I once heard it described. If you can, if you live your life, being your authentic self leaning into who you naturally are and what you're naturally good at, it's like writing down, writing on a Hill on your bicycle with the wind at your back,

2 (53m 30s):
What would you say to someone who feels like they don't know who they really are, who is searching for their true self? And in my I'm going to lead you a little bit. And if you want to go in a different direction, when we were off camera, before we started this recording, you talked about a conversation you had with Deepak Chopra regarding method acting. And I wonder if that might tie in, in some way to being you.

1 (53m 57s):
Yeah, well, so the story goes, and it's, it's my, it's my, it's my brush with fame. So, as I was telling Lori earlier on, I had an opportunity to travel on a, a caravan of self-help gurus. A number of years ago, I was traveling with Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra, and Wayne Dyer. And I'll tell you when Wayne Dyer's D Wayne rest in peace was that wasn't was a, an amazing guy with a crazy sense of humor and had a chance to, with a, with a friend of mine who was an entrepreneur in a, in a, in a, a producer of these kinds of shows, go meet with, with Dr.

1 (54m 37s):
Dyer in a little coffee shop, in a hotel in Syracuse, New York, to talk about him potentially coming on this tour with us. He's a character. He was a character anyway. So we were on this tour and we had to stop in Calgary, Alberta. And while we were there, we went out to dinner together and was a very small table, maybe eight of us around a round table in this great restaurant. And just so happened that beside me was Deepak Chopra. And we knew each other just, just casually from, you know, being in the tour and BM planes together and that kind of thing. And we got into a conversation together. And at the time I was doing, trying to become an actor.

1 (55m 18s):
I was, I was doing some bit parts in TV and film, mostly doing extra work or what they call featured background roles, where I wasn't in the, in the crowd. But I was like the waiter coming, bringing the food to the table. It didn't say anything and did a lot of those character kind of roles, but I was studying acting, and I was studying method acting, which is that acting discipline, where you try and with, what's the word I want to recreate that emotion, that, that, that I'm trying to portray in the role, which you make it real. You make it real. So if you're going to cry, you think of something sad and you, and you actually cry.

1 (55m 60s):
You don't pretend to cry. So I was talking to Deepak Chopra about this stuff. And then he was, we were talking about our kids and he said that his daughter was studying, acting in, I think it was New York university or somewhere in New York. And they asked him what style she was learning. And he said, method acting. And I said, Oh, I got a question for you. Could you talk about the mind-body connection? And we were hearing this, I, this all across the cities, we went to all his pitch about mind-body connection. How, when you think about, or are you, you worry about things, you will have the same physiological reaction because of the worry, the same hormones and enzymes will were released in your body as if you really had this event happen that you're worried about.

1 (56m 46s):
So I said to him, would it be the case that if you're a method actor and you, and you brought up all these things, you're at the same physiological reaction that you would, if you were actually experiencing it for real. And he said, I never thought about that. And I was like, yes, I stumped Deepak Chopra. So that's my claim to fame, stumping, Deepak to a private dinner when I, but it is true. It's about, it's about being real. It's about, it's about being real. And, and I say that one of the other great benefits that people have told me that from, from learning what they're naturally good at, I mentioned earlier, it's that sense of, of affirmation of who they are.

1 (57m 28s):
It's a sense of, of acceptance of who they are. It's a real, it's a real piece. It's a real piece that comes from that. It's a real piece that comes from that.

2 (57m 40s):
Very, do you think if a person, because I've had so many people say this to me, I don't know who I really am. I want to be my authentic self, or I feel like I'm not being my authentic self. And this is something I've thought a lot about because before I started doing what I'm doing now, I was an incredibly insecure person who didn't make eye contact with people. I, I had a shameful fear based mentality and learning hypnosis and learning this idea of changing our state. I watched method actors, and I, I watched how they utilize these different emotions by using their imagination to step into the emotion.

2 (58m 23s):
And I hear people like David Snider, talk about mirror neurons. And if you and Todd Herman has a book called the alter ego effect that talks about stepping into a persona. And so I'm, I'm thinking like, I'm just putting this together as we're talking, if a person was to take this strengths finders test, I know I'm saying that wrong, this Clifton strengths test and unpack their top five strengths and find a way to utilize those. Even if they don't feel like they're really good at those things by essentially method acting and starting to just step into, you know, almost create a persona of who you want to be in the world. And step into that. Instead of, I feel like for me, instead of finding myself, I have become determined to create myself and create the most authentic version of myself, but to step up to the plate and say, what if, what if I can achieve more than I used to think?

2 (59m 17s):
What if I'm not that insecure, shy person who was afraid to make eye contact people? What

1 (59m 22s):
Do you think about that? So what I think is that is that people are who they are. And, and it's less about trying to become the person you want to be and more about accepting the person you are. So, for example, and that doesn't mean that, that, that, that like shyness is something that, that developed over time because of circumstance, right? That that's necessarily how you were wired to be shy. You probably weren't as a, maybe a shy baby, but you know what I mean? You, you, you learn certain behaviors and certain attributes of your personality, but there are certain other things that are you.

1 (1h 0m 2s):
So what I would say is that the focus really, from my perspective, is to focus on that authentic person. So I'll give you an example. I had somebody who came to me when I was doing this corporately and she came and she was kind of sheepish. She said, you know, I don't really like my mother, my results of my assessment. And I said, why is that? She said, there too granola. She said, they're not, they're not good corporate ones. Like they're not going to bid in the office. And she cause her number one, talent theme was empathy. And she just thought that, how could that be of any use in an office? And about a month later, she stopped me in the hall.

1 (1h 0m 46s):
And she said, the penny just dropped from me. She said, I was in a meeting. And I walked into the meeting. We were going to pitch an idea. We had Mike, my colleague and I, I walked in and she said, without anybody saying a word, I picked up a vibe in the room that it wasn't the right time. Nobody said it. I could feel it. She said it. And I reached into the table and I grabbed my colleague's arm and squeezed it. And with the matches was no, we made small talk. We talked a couple of other things and we left. And she said, I knew almost instinctively that if we pitched it, it would have failed.

1 (1h 1m 27s):
It wouldn't have accepted me another time. It might go. I heard a great line. Somebody said, there's, there's no bad ideas, just bad time. But she realized that it wasn't right time. Somebody else without that natural talent of empathy, which is, which is picking up the vibe of people in a room as well, she might've failed. She said, now I see the value of it there. Now I see the value of it. Everything we each have has a value. It has a value. And it's, it's about that acceptance about that, that willingness to say, this is how I've been made. And I accept that. And I'm going to lean into that. Now, this is not to say that I also have a belief that sort of similar to what you're saying.

1 (1h 2m 12s):
I believe that that there's a nature nurture aspect to who you are. And Gallup tells you it's probably 50, 50. I personally think it's more 60 40 in terms of nurture. I used to say that your parents imagine you are, are kids building blocks and your parents put those blocks together, right? The, the blocks are the blocks that you're given and your parents and your teachers, as some of those blocks a certain way, it doesn't mean there's an adult. You can't disassemble those blocks and reassemble them in the way that, that works better.

1 (1h 2m 53s):
They're still the same blocks, but you, you did the reassemble it, so, so it's, it's again, it's, it's, it's accepting, it's loving who you are and accepting what you're not.

2 (1h 3m 10s):
Well, and I even heard you say earlier that understanding that your consistency, I think you said was number 34. And it sounded like you, you accepted that in a way that helped you just bring some, create some awareness that helped you perhaps make a little bit different decisions. And I would think becoming aware of those strengths would essentially tune the reticular activating system of your brain to start to recognize those strengths when they come into play and to start to congratulate yourself. I think I tell people, you recreate what you celebrate and for that woman, for her, just to be able to celebrate, I did it. I like, I knew that it was time to squeeze my colleague's arm and keep my mouth shut.

2 (1h 3m 52s):
It could help really cultivate and, and grow those skills.

1 (1h 3m 55s):
Yeah, it's true. You know, and here's a great, I like empty is a great example of a, of a talent theme. We talked about another plus or minus, or then other good or bad by themselves. I always say to people in my humble opinion, empathy is one of those really, really cool talent themes, because I say it's like a superpower. Other talent themes are how you behave. It's it's, it's, it's, it's what you do. It's how you act. The, the empathy is you, you can't shut it off. It's it's there. And so here, I'll tell you an example, a former admin assistant, I had come into my office one day, knocked on the door.

1 (1h 4m 37s):
She came in, she said, can we talk? I said, sure. She closed the door. And she said, she started off by saying, my life is falling apart. And I said, okay, have a seat. And she sat down and I said, what's going on? And she said, well, my brother has got he's sick. He's got, he's got this bad diagnosis from the doctor. And my, my cousin, her husband is not being faithful. We don't think, and we got all this stuff. She named always things that are going wrong. And I said, wow, that's, that's really rough. And she goes, yeah. And I said, Lori, you know what? She goes, what? I said, that's all somebody else.

1 (1h 5m 20s):
None of them is, none of them are you. And I said, this is your, she also had empathy. Number one, this is your empathy, talent over calibrated. Right? So I used to say to people, your talent, your talents are like our, like we had described it, as I say, let's say a piece of cake is a nice thing for habit, have a tougher dessert. But a whole cake of the sitting is probably too much of a good thing. So we want to make sure that what we have all our good stuff that we have, our good attributes are kept in, kept in check, kept in calibration. We talk about the, having the shadow of the strength. Cause like a shadow people see it, it's behind you people see before you do it for you.

1 (1h 6m 2s):
See it. So for her also, she was like, it was like a, like a, a light bulb went off. She goes, yeah, I'm concerned about all those people. But that doesn't mean it's not me. My mind is not falling apart. They're all having challenges. And I've like a sponge taking it all in and it's now me. So it's that, that's why I talked about earlier on how, why self-awareness is so vitally important. You have to know what it is and you have to know how it shows up. You have to be aware of when it's a plus as when it's a negative for you. Yeah. It's so it's so, so, so important to know

2 (1h 6m 39s):
Very, when we had our first conversation, as you started coaching me with my strengths, you told me about a speed reading study. And I, I was so fascinated by that. Will you share that with us now?

1 (1h 6m 51s):
Sure. So a while back the, in, in Nebraska, they had the, the, I think it was this, the state education board or whatever it was, they wanted to study different methodologies for teaching speed reading. So they got about 6,000 grade, 10 students and they were going to each teach them different ways of, you know, speed reading. So they, to, to figure out where they began, they give them a baseline assessment. How many words a minute do you read at what level of comprehension? And they kind of fell into two broad groups. The first group was average readers and they were reading at about 80 words a minute.

1 (1h 7m 34s):
Then you had, or 90 words a minute, you had a second group, broad group that were sort of the gifted readers. And they were already reading at about 300 words a minute. So they taught them speed reading. And what they discovered in the study was that there was no difference between the different methodology. So that was out the window, but what they were shocked by with something else that showed up unexpectedly. And that was that the, the, the readers that have were average readers after learning speed reading, they went up to about 300 or 150 words a minute. That's a good jump. 90 to 150, almost double speed. You know, the speed, the second group were the gifted readers at around 300 words a minute, their speed and comprehension went from 300 words in it to 2,900 words a minute.

3 (1h 8m 29s):

1 (1h 8m 29s):
This was a huge illustration of how you can apply yourself to something that you're, that you're moderately good at. And you're going to get mediocre or in a mediocre way better might say that correctly. You're going to get moderately better. But if you take something you're naturally good at and apply skill, knowledge, experience, and desire to that, you can become exponentially better at it. That's why that was a key thing.

3 (1h 8m 56s):
I love that. Yeah. That was really eye opening.

1 (1h 9m 0s):
No, I was going to say, I like how you, how you were talking too about, about the imposter monster and, and, you know, I got my own experience with that too, but I wanted to, and I'll talk about my own experience with it. But what I was for the research for our book, we were looking at successful people and found out, you know, what are the fears that successful people have? We're not talking about everyday people. We're talking about people who are already successes in their business and their corporate careers, whatever they are. The number one fear was the fear of failure. But under that umbrella of the fear of failure was basically three things. One was the fear of not having what it takes, the fear of not being good enough.

1 (1h 9m 45s):
And our favorite, the fear of being found out. And so until you and I met and heard it described as the imposter monster, I did have that myself because you know, it was that idea that I grew up thinking that like all of us, I think we have an ambition to get to a certain place. And we see somebody who's there already. And you have a presumption about who they are and what they know and what they can do. And then you would get there and you realize, or you think I don't, they must know everything because that's how they got there.

1 (1h 10m 26s):
And then you finally get there and you to, I don't know it. I don't know it. And so you're thinking people are going to find me out. People are going to find me out that fear of being found out. And I had it for sure, right? When I got to a certain level in the, you know, senior management level and I'm thinking, I don't know what I feel like. I should know more like who, who gave me the keys to this corner office. I have no idea what I'm doing. What if they find out they're going to get rid of me? And then if you actually talk to people who were in that office before you, they're going to tell you the same thing, they felt the same thing. So the message you give Lori, which is such a great message. And people, you got to listen to this message.

1 (1h 11m 9s):
If don't wait until you're ready. Cause you'll never be ready. Yeah. You got to go now. And, and if you're focusing on this is my, this is my, my messages beyond this, the, the strength stuff, my message that I want to leave everybody, or have everybody take with them today is if you focus on the value you bring, it's not about, and we're here to solve problems. If you focus on solving problems and the value that brings that's everything, if you're in your business, the old model of business was you would go, you have some sugar and you go to the door and you go need sugar, need sugar, needs sugar, as opposed to knocking the door and say, I have sugar.

1 (1h 11m 59s):
Do you need it? Because you have the solution and people don't know, no. Laurie talked about my videos and, and, and how she liked my videos. And I did about 50 of them in, in November and December of last year. And I watched them and I'm like, Oh, you're speaking too fast. You know, you're looking off camera, you know, and I got my own critique. And so, and then I see people, I watched somebody from the group, the new group today. And I thought, this guy, you know, he's, he's a, he's a friend of ours, John Gill, John man.

1 (1h 12m 41s):
He's, he's like, he's a senior. And he's like, learn hypnosis. And he's out there in front of the camera. And I, I know he's not comfortable, but he's doing it. And I met. I'm like, man, you're awesome, John. He does such a great job. I sent him a message. I got to tell him what a great job he's doing because it was, he put himself out there. Yeah. Now if I can share a story, can I share my story about the firewalk? Yeah. So sometime ago I did some volunteer staffing at some events for Tony Robbins, for those who know who Tony Robbins is. I know he's a very polarizing guy. So don't judge me.

1 (1h 13m 22s):
I will tell you that I did learn a lot from Tony in the day, back in the day. And so one of the experiences was I used to travel around the U S and Canada to live events and, and there's a volunteer staff person. And one of my roles became to help out at firewall. That was a feature of some of his weekend events. We would, people would come out and they would walk across hot coals. So I was outside. Well, you know, it was a thousand people inside this big hotel ballroom, and I'm being trained on how to do this thing. And they said to us, people are going to, as you remember, cause I've done a few fireworks myself, not having been there.

1 (1h 14m 4s):
People get pumped up, they look up and they, boom, boom, get pumped up. And they go and they walk across the hot coals looking up. And they said to us, if people suddenly stop in the middle of the firewalk yank them off because they're going to get burned feet. They keep on moving. They're gonna be fine. But if they start veering off the path of the fire, don't eat them back on because the goal is not to get from the beginning of the fire to the end of the fire. The goal is to take that first step. And it's, Tony's always say, he'd say there are a lot of things that we're afraid of starting a new business, new relationship asking for that promotion, whatever it is that we're afraid of taking action on.

1 (1h 14m 58s):
He said those things, those fears are a lot less real than a thousand degrees Fahrenheit, hot coals. And if you can make the decision to step on and you can do anything, I would say that was a, a huge shift for me in my thinking that don't be afraid to take that first step. And since that time there's only been one thing that's happened that I've done. That left me with that fear. If gnosis when I became hypnotist, by the way, I haven't told you this story before Lori, I first learned hypnosis when I was 16 years old.

1 (1h 15m 46s):
As you can see, I'm not a young man anymore, but it's a long time ago, long before YouTube and, and Freddy Jaquin. And in the end, Mike Mendell, although Mike and I've told him the story, I used to go see Mike Mike, when Mike was a, was doing hypnosis shows as a comedy show. When I was in college, I used to go see him. And when he had his mullet and his long hair, it was, it looks a little different. He looks more like me now than he did like that. Anyway, I learned from a book, I read a book and learned hypnosis, and I tried it on my girlfriend at the time I was 16 years old and she went into trance and I thought she was faking it just to make me feel good.

1 (1h 16m 38s):
So her, we were in her parents' house and her parents were very, very strict and they're close by. And her parents used to always demand that the bedroom door was always open when we're in her room watching TV. And I said, go close the bedroom door. And she would in, in a million years would never do that. Like their parents would like freak out. She walked over and closed it. All right away. I panicked. I literally panicked. I thought, Oh my gosh. And I was like, I took her to chance really fast. And I never put anybody in trance again until about two years ago, the, the sense of the power of hypnosis for positive change.

1 (1h 17m 38s):
I th the, the responsibility overwhelmed me as a young person. And I thought, I can't, I can't handle it now. I'm not trying to scare anybody away. But what I'm saying, all I'm saying is this is that there's, there's when I started training again, I had some of those old fears bubble back up. So I had to work on them. I have to work on them. So what I'm trying to say to you and everybody watching is that the fear, let the fear be there, but the fear be there, because if it's a sense of responsibility, you wanna do the right thing.

1 (1h 18m 20s):
That's a good fear to have. If you want to be, want to have that sense of accountability, you're not gonna do it wrong. We know you can't do it wrong. Yes. There's that reaction on odd occasions. But, but as long as you're aware and you're, and you're knowledgeable, then you're going to be fine. But that sometimes it's okay to have a fear and just go out and take action. Anyway,

2 (1h 18m 46s):
I love that. And I think that's so true. And I believe the only way there might be other ways, but the only way I've seen to get past that fear is to do it afraid. Just like you're saying, just to start before you're ready. And you will prove to yourself as you go along that this is a powerful way to change lives. And I think I'd like to believe that everyone listening to this show has a positive intention. I know when I work with clients, I do my best. My, my goal is to always work with them, their paradigm and give them the change that they seek. And yes, I might see something different, but I know they're coming to me because they trust me. And I honor and respect that trust so deeply that we, I think we do have a powerful, powerful way to effect change positive change in people's lives.

1 (1h 19m 33s):
It's true. And, and just that, that saying you had that that's that I think about all the time, the honest is is that if you wait until you're ready, you never going to be ready. And so, except that you're as ready as you need to be. And, and step up, step out under that, that that's a virtual hot calls. Yeah. By the way, like I said, I I've have, I think I've done six or seven hot, cold walks, and I've never had a blister. So it's, it's, there's something really that that happens. And it's the, it's the power of the mind's power belief.

1 (1h 20m 17s):
And it's about, again, it's about leaning into your authentic self.

2 (1h 20m 22s):
Yeah. Barry, I'm so grateful for this. I really wanted to ever since our first meeting, when, so in that video challenge that we're talking about, you offered to do a free consultation for people after they took the Clifton strengths test. And I have just been blown away by the value of we, you went ahead and we've done the five sessions together. Well, we are waking our way through the five sessions, as soon as my house stops sledding. And I stop rescheduling with you. But the things that you have taught me are, are kind of always percolating below the surface for me. And it has opened my mind up to new possibilities, new possibilities of my business, a new level of self love, and self respect, and self kindness that has just been one of the coolest gifts that I've ever received.

2 (1h 21m 11s):
And I, every time I think, I think I need to have Barry on the show, I need to share this message with more people. So will you just tell me to anyone who's intrigued about, about what we've been discussing, what's the first step, and if they would like to work with you, how can we make that happen?

1 (1h 21m 27s):
So here's what I'll say, but I will, what I want to offer up to anybody who's watching is that I will offer up to them what I offer the people in the video program. And that was that if anyone wants to explore what their strengths are, you can take the Clifton strengths assessment. There's a Gallup charges for that. It's a, it's, it's part of your top five. It's like $19. It's not very expensive to find are all 34. I believe it's around $48, but I'd actually encourage people if they're interested to do all, all, all, all 34. Cause it's, it's nice to see because really your top 10 are the ones that are really your dominant talents, not just your top five, your top five is your kind of your signature themes, the ones you lead most often with.

1 (1h 22m 14s):
So, but depending on where your budget is or what you're interested in either five or 34. So you do that. And then, and I'll, and I'll share with Loreal link to, to be able to do that. And I'll offer up to anybody who wants to do that. Once you've done that assessment, all our fee free of charge, a 30 minute consultation with me to go over your results and, and see what you can do with them. And then we'll see where you are in and see if you wanted one of you. If you're good, what you got or do you want to work further with me, but, but there's no charge or obligation to work with me. The only charges for the assessment itself.

2 (1h 22m 48s):
And I'll put all those links in the show notes below, just in case someone's listening in a place where they can't easily access the, the notes, where's the best place to send them Barry.

1 (1h 23m 1s):
Well, it's, it's the, my, the, the website, our corporate is strength consulting,, strength consulting, And there'll be what I'll do is there won't be, the link will be hidden because it's only for you guys. So it'll be strength consulting, Canada slash Laurie. And then yet you'll find that page. That'll be exclusively to you to, to, to w where to purchase the assessment and how to book some time with me to go over it again, no charge for that. That's a consultation with me.

2 (1h 23m 34s):
And I would say, I would say act quickly, because I have a feeling that Barry might get flooded and say, my books are full. So if you understood the value of what Barry is offering, I just, I say, jump on this right away. It is, it's just life-changing and you direct people to build this mission statement for themselves. It's almost like it, to me, it feels like it just goes into the core of who a person is and helps them understand why they're on this earth and the, the change that they are going to affect in this world.

1 (1h 24m 7s):
So thank you for bringing that up. So if people do choose to, to work with me on an ongoing basis, I have a few different ways to do that. And you can work with me. I'm going to create some small groups to make that easier for people. If it's, if it's not cost-effective to work with me one-on-one but what I do is with, with peoples, I work them through the assessment results. We go through strategies. We're trying to work on yourself now. And ultimately we get to the point where you're going to write a strength, mission statement, and it seems daunting before you try it. And, but everybody who's, who's worked with me has done it to great success. And the statement basically says is, this is who I am. This is my unique contribution.

1 (1h 24m 47s):
Basically mine, isn't my talents. And, and by the way, we get past really quickly, these Gallup terminologies, these themes to find out what those discreet individual talents are for you and underneath those themes. So you say, this is who I am. This is my unique contribution. This is, this is what I'm going to do with it, for whom and why we also go through a values assessment. It's really important to, to, I think the values is a key part of this too, because with the values, I didn't advise myself recently using another tool that I have access to an online dives assessment. And what was really cool about that.

1 (1h 25m 28s):
Laurie, we're going to do that coming up. Next time we get together, the value of the assessment is really neat because it basically, you, you, you rank your, the things you value the values. And what I found was yes, th those were my values. So that's, that's, that's how I ranked them. And I realized they were misordered. Okay. So for example, I had things like my faith, my family, you know, and my health wasn't in the top five, my values, I thought, how can I be a good parent? How can I be a good father? How can I, how can I be a good spouse? How can I be all of these things? If I'm not healthy? Just that one change for me.

1 (1h 26m 8s):
I didn't, this is a new to you. Did that value? That value is re rank. I put my health at the top when that changed, unless 20 pounds in the past two months, I work, I now work out with my wife and I do. We do a workout every morning, seven days a week for 30 minutes. I wouldn't even imagine that 20 pounds ago, to be honest. And I've, I haven't felt as good as I do now, physically for the past 10 years. So it was just that one change and realizing that that, no, those were the things I valued when I realized that they were out of whack at the reorder them like the building blocks of your life. You can, you can take those blocks and re reordered them yourself and say, I have to make that a priority.

1 (1h 26m 49s):
Not that,

2 (1h 26m 51s):
Oh my gosh.

1 (1h 26m 54s):
No, it's really, really neat. And, and, and so that, that's good. So if you guys are interested as well, if you want it, if you want to find me, I'm also on Facebook, I I've combined my business and my personal page, because it's who I am. I bring my authentic whole self to what I do. You'll see a picture of my big, big, crazy family. If we call it the, we call it the, the core 22, which was, it's actually core 23. Now it's our family, the grandkids, and the significant others all together in front of the Christmas tree. Although it's two years ago, we didn't get together this year. And, and there you'll find, you know, the 50, 51 to two videos I've created over the past little while, little one, two minute with words of wisdom written, you know, thought thought-provoking things, you'll find those there as well.

1 (1h 27m 41s):
And you can certainly reach out to me through DM if you want that way as well. And I guess the final way to find me is, is you can always email me at Berry at strength consulting,,

2 (1h 27m 52s):
Very at strengths consulting, Yep. Okay.

1 (1h 27m 57s):
It's a long name of company name.

2 (1h 28m 1s):
Well, I think if people are committed, they can make it through.

1 (1h 28m 6s):
And I will say, I will say this at some point or other, you have to change it to international because even though we are based in Canada, as I said earlier on our clients are all over the world now. And, and from far away as from, from, from, from Denver, Colorado, all the way to Wellington New Zealand. So

2 (1h 28m 22s):
That's incredible. And I know there's people all around the world listening to this as well. So I just want to acknowledge everyone who's listening and just tell you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm so grateful that you're here, Barry, in closing, if you, if you were speaking to a person who is one of those people, who's afraid of being found out. Who's afraid that they're not really as cool as they're trying to make people think they are or who just doesn't feel ready. What words of wisdom would you give them?

1 (1h 28m 53s):
I would say once you realize who you really are, who you are authentically, are you accept that you embrace that you are all that you need to be all you ever need to be. And if you do what you naturally do best to be successful in whatever you choose to do.

0 (1h 29m 20s):
I love that. Thank you for being here, Barry. And thank you for everyone. Who's listening. Have an amazing day, everyone.

1 (1h 29m 27s):
Thanks, Laurie. Thanks everyone for watching.

0 (1h 29m 29s):
I'm so grateful. You've listened all the way to the end. What is one tiny action step you'll take now based on an aha moment you got during the podcast, maybe that life changing action step is to come accept the gift I have for [email protected]. Head there right now to get your powerful, hypnosis audio, the answer room that lets you make important decisions and get crystal clear about your next step forward on this path of purpose in your one. Great and precious life.

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